twelve; rant (may skip)

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by alaynator

by alaynator

people are so fucking hypocritical its annoying.
im depressed.
they tell me to be happy. i tell them i cannot. then they talk shit because i have fucking depression. I DIDNT FUCKING CHOOSE THIS. I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS LIFESTYLE. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO HATE MYSELF. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO BE IN LOVE. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO FEEL ALONE. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO HATE MY FAMILY. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO HAVE THE URGE TO CRY EVERY FUCKING DAY. I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS SADNESS. YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND. I CANT ESCAPE THIS. I FUCKING CANT ESCAPE THIS HELL ON EARTH. I DIDNT CHOOSE TO HAVE FUCKING THOUGHTS TO KILL MYSELF EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT I CANT SLEEP.
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they tell me to be happy.
well, music makes me happy. but well, they judge what makes me happy. examples:

one direction;
-gay
-cant sing
-suck
-autotune.
-ugly
no. these BOYS ARE FUCKING TALENTED. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL FIVE BOYS WHO MEAN A WHOLE FUCKING LOT TO ME. THEY CAN SING THEY FUCKING PREFORM LIVE. THEY MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST IVE BEEN WHILE IVE HAD DEPRESSION. YOU SAY YOU CARE ABOUT ME, THEN DONT OFFEND WHO I LOVE. BECAUSE YOUR MAKING NOT ONLY THEM HATE THEMSELVES, BUT WHEN THEY ARE SAD SO AM I. SO FUCK OFF THESE BRILLIANT BOYS WHO MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETE.

lorde;
-creepy
-doesnt sing
-ugly

ed sheeran
*says he can write songs perfectly*
-but hes ugly so i dont like him
-cant sing

ED SHEERAN IS FUCKING TALENTED. DONT FAKE LOVING HIM. TAKE IN EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS PERFECT SELF OR LEAVE.

old magcon boys;
-gay
-arent funny
-fake
these boys. oh my. im crying because of how much they have done for me and my heart. they make me better. they make me complete. they mean a whole lot to me, and id die without one of them. that's not exaggerating. its fucking true. yeah i miss their stupid vines, YouTube videos, selfies, etc. but they didnt leave me. no. i refuse to ever think that. they are still with me. those smiling boys. all so sweet. its okay they arent "magcon". just those boys make me smile. i wish they were still together, but that doesn't mean they arent in my heart any less than they used to be.

internet friends;
-arent real
-dont love you
-friendship isnt real
-distance cant do anything

they have all saved me from suicide. let that seep in. i would be dead. one nights im about to pull the trigger, cut deeper, wrap the rope, slit my throat, they rip the source out of my hands just by a single text.

sleeping with sirens;
-gay
-screaming not singing

NOT FUCKING OKAY. THEY MAKE ME STRONG. THEY SING. JUST LISTEN. YOU FUCKING BASTARD.