once upon a dream

the end, but the beginning.

i have to admit, what amina said when she was spilling her feelings out to me, got to me.

the daisy two years ago would've scoffed at that, but i am learning to express my emotions more. just like I am now.

After our little chat, the mood had visibly dampened. I tried to seem happy (and it worked, obviously, I have great experience in masking) but I couldn't help becoming visibly distracted. looking at amina, laughing at what George had whispered to her. that little tooth gap that nobody would notice, except if you were looking properly. her short, sweet laugh which clouded over me like a mist. it hurt, it visibly hurt to know that i would never feel her warm hand holding mine, to feel her touch, her soft lips kissing mine.

suddenly hazel was nudging me. "daisy? daisy, I say! Are you quite aright?"

i blinked, and tried to compose myself. "why, of course I am! heroines always am" hazel stuck her tounge at me, and I smiled. hazel cheered me up, but this time it was only for a while.

heroines don't fall in love with girls. heroines don't get a sad ending. 

I wasn't a heroine, no matter how hard i tried to be.

soon i was mumbling to go to the lavatory, hearing hazel's sounds of concern, and George and Alexander were looking at me, everyone was looking at me- 

i found myself in a cubicle, and my eyes were watering most un-daisy like, and then everything became a blur as i sobbed and sobbed. my brain told me to compose myself, why, the honourable daisy wells never cried!

but right then, i had never felt less honourable in my life.

then hazel and amina burst in, and hazel gasped, while amina took one look at me and hugged me tight.

"daisy!" cried hazel, and hugged me too. her eyes were watery as well, but she let go, and looked at me, and I looked at her and she knew.

"Hazel, it's okay. I've got this" said amina, and hazel slowly walked out, but not before looking back at me, her face full of hurt and concern and anger of getting left out. i felt... well, guilt, for hazel was my greatest companion in the world, and now she was getting left out.

but then i felt Amina's hand on mine, and everything faded away, and it was just me and amina.

"this will be our last time... with each other" Amina's voice was hollow and miserable.

"I know" I said, looking at her properly. I saw her eyes, light hazel ( I got that pang of guilt again, remembering hazel) her small nose, her lips. her lips...

I slowly cupped her face in my arms, and she looked at me, her eyes shining with... what? I didn't know, and not knowing stuff always annoys me, and then it clicked.

love.

I, slowly as if I was going to hurt her, brushed her lips against mine, then they touched, fully, like a spark igniting between us. I wanted that kiss to last forever, and it felt like it did, for a while, then we let go, and we looked at each other.

"I love you."

I know. 

amina saw my face, and made it look towards hers. i smiled, sadly, and she smiled back. her eyes were watering, and she was mumbling apologies while wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry- this is quite foolish of me-"

"amina" I said, stern. she looked at me in shock, "shush."

And then we leaned towards each other again, and the whole world disappeared and it was just me and amina in a cubicle, and it sounded rather vulgar, but I didn't mind a jot.

Amina, Amina, Amina.

then I heard a shout "ladies and gentlemen, we will be departing this cruise in thirty minutes" 

I let go of her and stepped back in alarm. "I've got to go-"

"daisy, daisy, wait-"

I ran out of the lavatory and into mine and hazel's room, where hazel was packing up her clothes. she took one look at me, looked at my bloodshot eyes, and hugged me hard while I sobbed into her shoulder.

then she let go, and i grabbed my suitcase (which was packed already) numbly and walked out onto deck, where I saw George and alexander. George smiled sadly at me, while alexander, being his annoying self, hugged me hard ( i stiffened), then squeezed hazel's hand (hazel went rather pink) and I looked at them angrily. How dare they? How come they could express their love, and nobody would care? Why must mine be different? 

We walked off the cruise, with hazel's family behind us, onto our carriage, me sitting next to hazel. I looked at her, rather desperately, and she looked at me and smiled. 

you can do this. you're the honourable daisy wells, after all. the heroine.

no, no I'm not.

as I looked out of the window, I saw the cruise one last time, and all of the memories came flashing back. laughing with George. whispering with hazel. rolling my eyes at alexander. And Amina.

amina laughing. amina crying. amina... was right next to me?

she was running with the carriage, tears streaming down her face and laughing. I heard hazel say "whatever is she doing?" in shock, but i threw her head out of the window, beaming and laughing, and saw her waving  at me and mouthing something.

goodbye, daisy wells.