Not So Fresh Start

2. The Scars

I ran. I ran out of the cafeteria and then I realized I had no where to go. I didn't have a car! I didn't know anyone here! It hit me then and there. I had no where to go anymore. No where. Even in London. After it happened, I had no where to go. Because I knew, always, that he would never be there.

I slid down the outside wall of the cafeteria and leaned over myself, resting my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. I couldn't breathe and my vision was starting to get fuzzy. I raked my hands through my hair a few times, the neat updo abandon, as I tried to steady my breathing, but nothing was working. None of those bloody tricks that tosser of a healer taught me were working. My heart was in my throat and no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't swallow it back down.

There was no way that was actually him. There was no way. Cedric was dead. I saw his body myself. But there he was, sitting in this bloody high school cafeteria. I couldn't come back to this school. Even if it wasn't him, the resemblance would be too much for me. I mean, I couldn't even make it through lunch without running for the door. This wasn't fair. This was supposed to be my fresh start. My new life. And I just happened to choose the one place that the look alike of my dead boyfriend lived in?

My head was starting to get foggy from the lack of oxygen when I heard a dull thud. Like something dropped on the sidewalk. It sounded far away and right in front of me all at the same time. Then, there was a girl crouched in front of me. She had black hair that was pulled to the side in a braid and she had a pair of glasses perched on her nose. She was pretty from what I could tell, but then again my eyes still weren't focused correctly.  Her mouth started moving, but I couldn't hear anything. I had to strain myself.

"...you okay? Can you hear me? Carmen, right?"

"I- fuck! I can't-" I had to gasp for air again, "I can't breathe!"

"Okay, it's alright. You're probably having a panic attack. Does this happen often?"

All I could do was nod.

"Okay," she grabbed my hands from my head and brought them in font of us, "here's what we're gonna do." I could feel from her hands that she took a deep breath, "Breathe with me."

"That's it. Again," she breathed deep again and squeezed my hands. I copied her. We continued this for what felt like hours. Me breathing deep, her squeezing my hands and praising me to repeat. Finally, the burning in my chest started to subside and so did the blur in my vision.

"There we go! Are you okay, now? You can breathe?" She asked, letting out a sigh of relief herself.

"Yeah...I'm okay now. Thank you," I leaned back against the wall, realizing what just happened, "I'm sorry. That was- I- I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, it was pretty touch-and-go there for a while. Contemplated calling an ambulance," she said, settling down next to me against the wall, my right hand still in her left.

"You are joking, right?" I was nervous she could be serious. That's what I needed. An ambulance called for me. On my first day.

"Yes. I am," she laughed. Her laugh was beautiful. It was airy and warm. Like, if homemade cookies had a sound.

"Oh...good," was all I could manage. It had been a while since I had been taken aback by someone.

"Yeah, there aren't many jokers in this town," she offered with a smile.

"So..." I started, "do I get the name of the woman who just saved my life?"

She pulled a face of concentration, like she was trying to decide whether or not to tell me her name.