I'll Wait in Izumo - Banana Fish [Ash x Eiji]

Silver Linings

By the end of dawn, our solitude was broken by the chatter of village folks. Early fishermen emerged with rainbow bluegills on their minds, and young children flew their dragon kites into the pink sky. Ash and I lay on the dock, the one that stretches far out into the lake. If I closed my eyes, it felt like floating in the middle of the ocean.

"I love this spot." Ash sighed with a melancholy relief. "You know, I would come out here whenever I found myself thinking about your hometown. Just to feel close to you again, but this time, you're finally here." His voice became quiet. "Sorry, it just feels like a dream. Waking up from one always hurts. Even in the afterlife, it still does."

I was wrapped in a twofold heartbreak. I should be happy. I should enjoy the bliss, and yet, the sorrows of our lives somehow managed to slip into the spirit realm. Why didn't the world let me keep Ash, even if it was just for a little while longer? Why did he have to go so soon? How could I not forget? How could they expect me to live carelessly? There was no way to fully live without holding onto him. For years, my sanity clung to every tattered photograph and torn journal page. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair.

"We were so close to being happy." I pressed my palms against my eyes, embarrassed by my own sadness. "Why did the world take you away from me? All I wanted was to be with you."

I could feel Ash's piercing gaze. His wariness. He had years to process his new reality in the spirit world. As for me, the past still lingered within my body. Time was needed to heal and start anew. Even in the afterlife, humans needed time to grieve.

"Eiji, I don't think you ever understood. Meeting you... that was all of the happiness I could've ever asked for. You made my life whole again. After loving you, there was nothing I could do but let you go."

"But why!?" I yelled. Taken aback by the distress in my voice, he wrapped his arms around mine and held on, letting time settle between us.

He let out a shaky breath. "You had so much life to live. I saw so much in you, and you deserved to live without the horrible things I showed you, without the worry of our lives being at stake due to the cruelty of my fucked up world. We might've been, but our worlds were never made for each other."

"I spent the rest of my days missing you. You don't know how painful that was for me."

He looked out at the horizon. "I'm sorry."

We sat in silence until my heart found a sliver of lightness. Perhaps, Ash understood the process of grief in the afterlife. I needed to trust in him. We walked back to the harbor, strolling past the drifting sailboats and temple statues. I thought about the gods and goddesses who must be amongst us now.

"I wish I could've seen you as an old man." I chuckled, and it felt sincerely warm. "The infamous Ash Lynx with gray hair, wrinkled eyes, and a million grandchildren to love."

"Hey, one could always imagine, but at least I got to see you through the years. The long, gray ponytail was a good move, Eiji Okumura. I enjoyed watching over you from afar. You don't know how happy it made me when you opened your gallery, got married, brought your children to school for the first time." A pause. "I might not have been standing next to you, but I was with you every step of the way. Couldn't you tell?"

I grabbed Ash's hand, intertwining our fingers until it brought back old memories of sleeping next to him. He trembled with anxiety in the late hours of nightfall, and I would slip my hand into his. In the darkness, we held each other until sunrise. 

We were no longer in the darkness of city alleyways and subway tunnels. The fear of gunshots and open wounds no longer crossed our minds. The colors of this seaport town could never cause harm.

Could this be our silver lining?