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TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEATH
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--P A R T O N E : NEVER A MISSED STEP--
Wilbur Soot's POV
I am a coward,
By now it was all too clear that the grave below me was the result of my own cowardice. The blood was on my hands and there was nothing I could do to change it.
You'd figure someone with the gift of all the time in the world would figure out a way to prevent a death of natural causes but all I can do is move forward. I made that choice to move ahead and I missed it, I missed Sally- Sally, my dear, I'm sorry.
It was happening so quick, why in the world was it all happening so quickly? One moment she's in my arms and the next I'm wiping the dirt off my hands as I walk away from a fresh grave. My love sits six feet deep, and no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise I cannot help but feel as though it was all my fault. Of course I was at fault, we were far too young to know what we were doing, and now one of us took the consequences.
Everybody else had gone home by now, it was getting late. Friends and family and relatives gathered to say their goodbyes to her. The sweetest woman they would ever know, a star on earth. They lingered in small groups, whispering, not daring to make a sound loud enough to be heard by all. They went up to the loose dirt and left flowers, belongings, memories. I stayed the latest.
I'm sure it's been a few hours, idly sitting with my back resting on the headstone, fiddling with the ring on my finger. It's ironic, really, it wasn't a wedding ring or even an engagement ring that I kept in my palm this whole time. It was a promise ring. Now Sally, she was a firecracker. The most ambitious person I've ever come across, and she got us promise rings last year. The promise to stay with one another until we were truly old and mature enough to make the decision to spend our lives together. A promise that was held tight until she couldn't hold on any longer.
I know I'm young, far younger than the peers I've known to make the choice, but she was older. She knew what she wanted and she had a life ahead of her that she couldn't wait to start as soon as she could. She wanted a baby. God, she wanted one badly, and she was always so kind to them. Whenever Sally would come over she got along with Davey as if he were her own child rather than my little brother. The way she had so much love to give and needed someone to give it to, who was I to say no to that?
A coward. That's what I am. Because I trusted her and I knew it was impossible for her to be hurt. She was invulnerable, above all harm, but never could I have known that it would be the baby that killed her. Something that for so long she was so passionate for had been the end of her. A cause worth dying for.
She didn't even have the option not to die, everything seemed fine until it was too late, she bled out and was gone within the day. And I missed it. I got ahead of myself because I was scared to face it and she's gone. I couldn't say goodbye. Did I even get the chance to tell her again that I loved her? Did-
Raindrops begin falling like big fat crocodile tears, as if the sky sat with me by the grave in solidarity. More time had passed and the sun was well below the horizon now. I know I need to leave it just... feels wrong. She put up a fight and it only seems fair I try and make it up to her, if there's any chance she's still among us. Would she be proud of me now?
She wouldn't want this, she'd want the best. She'd give me that goofy smile and grab my hand and lead me inside, turn on the kettle and the jukebox. Sally, My love, I'm sorry.
I haul myself up and walk away.
I'm lucky enough to live close to the graveyard, a large house at the edge of my woods that my mother left for me after my father passed. It was just close enough out of town to avoid the noise of the market crowds and just far enough to feel lonely. A big old house for a grieving musician, a feisty toddler, and a fish named Milo. It's a short walk down a gravel path and up onto the porch, the door was still unlocked. I enter and do as any man would at a time like this- I get a drink.
Two drinks in and it starts to hurt a little less now. I was too young for the whiskey, too, but I'm sure I'd be forgiven. Two glasses would surely become more if not for a noise that seemed starkly unfamiliar to me. A cry, bit more of a wail, sounding from somewhere within my own house. I'd think it to be an intruder if I were any more than two drinks deep, but I had some sense in me yet.
Somehow it had never fully occurred to me that while Sally had passed, the baby lived. I'd never even been home in the past days to meet them, I've been selfish. The nursery was dark, despite the colorful patterns on the walls Sally and I had painted in the months prior. The only illumination came from a lantern on the nightstand and whatever moonlight could peak through the heavy clouds outside. It was just enough light to see my child, wrapped up tight in the bassinet.
It's a shocking thing to meet someone for the first time, even though you've already felt as though you've loved them months before they even existed. A teeny tiny human swaddled up in yellow in the bottom of the bassinet. A small baby girl- My daughter. Sally would love to meet her, no matter how tiny she was nearly her spitting image. Our daughter shared her nose, her face, the fuzz of bright orange hair on her head. A little pair of pointed, fuzzy ears peeking out from under the bonnet.
The crying was quieter but I still picked her up and held her gently, close to my chest as if she were the most delicate thing in the world. Rocking back and forth slightly was all the newborn needed to quiet down completely, seemingly melting under the touch. I sit back in the rocking chair near the lantern and keep the rocking going a little easier.
Sally and I had discussed names before she passed, we'd had days of planning and making lists, bickering over combinations of names and initials. We'd settled on a few but there was one that Sally had pushed particularly. Back then it seemed so strange, a name I hadn't heard before, she said it was her Grandmother's name and she wanted to honor her. I was hesitant, but after everything it felt right.
Floris.
A pair of tiny hands grab at the promise ring on my finger and my heart simply melts. She's half-asleep.
Floris, I swear on my life, that I will give you every ounce of the love that your mother could not give before passing. I'll stay by your side through thick and thin, and even if you hate me later for it you'll always have someone to lean on. I'll be brave for you.
Sally, my dear, I'll never stop missing you. I'm sure you miss me too, and miss the life you're missing out on. Ultimately through death comes rebirth and you've brought a piece of you into the world in your footsteps. You're a phoenix, my love. You've left our beautiful baby girl behind and I swear on my life I will keep my promise to you one way or another. For her.
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Sad chapter how we feelin? Lmaooo I'm in pain just WRITING this. I hope it's alright so far, I promise it picks up, wait for chapter 3, you won't regret it!
See ya!
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