Win You Over (Stan x Kyle) (South Park)

25

Stan's POV:

I had messed up previously but it had never been this bad before. This must be the worst mistake I've ever done. No, it was the worst mistake I've ever done before.

I had messed up bad enough for my girlfriend to break up with me again because I prioritised Kyle over her and left her alone at that party. And to be honest, I still don't know how she managed to get to my house. I felt so stupid and selfish for that. Especially selfish since I know girls have it harder at relying on strangers.

Just thinking about what could've happened to her that night makes me shiver of anxiety. Also, the fact that something could've happened and she hadn't told me scared the shit out of me. She had no reason to trust me at that point so there would be no reason for her to tell me anyway, even though I still care about her. But I completely understand.

It's not like I paid that much attention to her either when she was in town. I was busy thinking about Kyle.

But I guess he didn't like me as much as I liked him. I tried to call and message him repeatedly every day over that weekend but my calls vent straight to voicemail and he never answered my texts. He didn't even read them. I understood that he was upset about the fact that Lucy was going to visit me, but I didn't even get to explain why. He never allowed me to do so. Not over phone calls and texts and not in school either. He just seemed so... angry.

It hurt like hell, but eventually, I got used to being rejected by him. So I guess I turned to Lucy instead as a stupid attempt to win him back. I thought that if I ignored him then he'd regret it and come back to me. And I guess I kind of relived our old relationship again.

Having feelings for someone is really weird. It's like everything is about them. Every thought, every action. All is dedicated to them. But when they don't respond you get so sensitive that you can't help but get to simpler measures. And that was Lucy to me. She was familiar and everything I had loved before I reconnected with Kyle. It was easy to fall back onto past steps and so I did. And it felt amazing as all of our memories came back. I realised then how much I had missed her. But it wasn't enough, because she wasn't the one I loved.

I knew I had to continue to act like we were in a relationship for the rest of her visit, but when she went back to Brooklyn we both knew it would be over. And then I could try to solve things out with Kyle.

But it was hard to not look at him like I used to, and it was especially hard to watch him keep away from me. I couldn't handle it since I felt that he was hurt by assuming that I had just stopped caring about him because Lucy showed up. It wasn't like that, but he wouldn't talk to me.

I tried to give him hints like holding his hand under one lunch session and I really tried to talk to him during lessons when Lucy wasn't there but I ended up not succeeding.

It just ended up backlashing. Especially since I used Lucy to try to get him back. It makes me feel really bad and guilty because she doesn't deserve to be used as some sort of tool. I don't recognise myself when I think of how bad I treated her during her visit.

I knew I had to apologise and since she didn't respond to my calls or messages either I knew I had to get to Brooklyn. There was nothing left for me in South Park anyway. It seemed like everyone hated me. Especially Kyle.

So I left. Just like that. Maybe it was a tad too spontaneous since I managed to not only miss packing my toothbrush and other hygiene products but also clean underwear. But that didn't matter to me. Because it would all be worth it if I got to Brooklyn. And eventually, I got there. I was really short on money at that point so getting home again would be a problem. But perhaps I was hoping she'd take me back and help me. Kyle would never talk to me again it seemed like, so I might as well try.

She didn't. In short, she wasn't happy with seeing me. Even though I was there to apologise it seemed like she didn't want me to. Which of course was sad but also a bit expected.

So I was back on square one. And now the investigations to find me were bigger than ever so I started my journey back home.

I was backpacking my way home by letting strangers drive me as close to colorado as possible. Somehow none of them recognized me which truly was a miracle. That was until I got to Colorado and people started looking and whispering. And then the cops showed up.

-

"I hope you're proud of yourself", my mom says in a bitter tone as she's driving me from Denvers police station. She's driving aggressively and it's scaring me a bit. If she manages to crash this car after me just returning here then I'll take that as a sign I should've never come back.

"Stan, answer your mother", my dad says as he looks back at me from the front seats. I feel shame for a moment when I realize how scared they must've been for me. I can picture them asking all of my friends if they knew where I was and the anxiety when they decided to call the police.

But even though I feel guilty by thinking about all of the pain I've caused I don't really know what to say to make this any better.

"I was just trying to apologise to her", is the only thing that comes through my mouth. And just as I say it I regret it. How nonchalant and immature can you be? Only stupid teenagers like me believe in storybook romances.

"Oh yeah? And you couldn't do that over the phone or at least tell us you were going?" He responds, getting more irritated for every vowel.

"No, she blocked my number." And this time he sighs loudly. "That means she doesn't want to talk to you dumbass".

His words fill me with self-hatred. Who even flees states to apologise to a girl who blocked his number in the first place? She didn't want me to reach out and still, I did.

-

"Stanley, you're grounded for a month and I swear to god if you don't catch up with the classes you've missed then that's an additional month. Do you understand?" I look at my angry mother as we both exit the car.

I expected this to happen. Though it still makes me annoyed and frustrated. And as those emotions enter my system a thought does as well.

I suddenly remember why they asked Lucy to come here in the first place. Not only was it their fault for ruining my relationship with Kyle, but they also wanted to do it.

And just as quick as the memory enters my system I explode with anger. What kind of homophobia is that?

"Why did you ask Lucy to come here?" I try to stay as calm as possible but it's hard to not scream out of rage. Mom looks taken out of surprise and dad seems to be as shocked as her. But none of them answers me.

"Huh? Don't you have anything to say about my gay tendencies?". It's like I've dropped a bomb. It's almost as if I'm floating at this point, looking down at them. I can see that mom is ashamed and suddenly I'm in control. I'm about to explode once again but my dad stops me. "It was all your mom's idea" he sighs and looks at her and he gets an angry look back from her. Just like he has exposed her. Which he has.

"Stan, as parents we-" "You", dad interrupts her. She sighs in frustration. "I want the best for you. And we all know being gay is an unfortunate malformation that complicates an individuals life. I don't want you to go through all of that negative stuff that comes with it, so we tried to hide it from you. So that's why we moved Stan. South Park just got too open with homosexuality and suddenly you and Kyle started acting weird. Then... Well, we all know about the incident in Brooklyn. So we moved back in hopes of things changing because now you had a girlfriend."

At this point, I'm boiling with anger and there's no going back. I knew there were homophobic assholes out there because I had met people like that before. But I never expected my own mom to be one of them. I trusted her. I told her I loved her and that she was the best mom ever. How can you move on from that? How can someone be the best mom ever and the next second she's the worst? My whole life has been a lie.

"Fuck you, mom."

I walk away and she doesn't follow me. Perhaps she understands even the biggest assholes need to be understanding sometimes.

And even though it's bizarre, I think I'll be okay. No, I will be.

Because I'm walking towards Kyle's house.

-