MANAL

50: Manal

For the umpteenth time, I inhaled and exhaled. I was finding it difficult to come in terms with the fact that Jawaad was waiting outside for me. I knew we would eventually meet after months of getting to know each other, but I didn't know it'd be that soon. He didn't even give me the chance to prepare myself. I was extremely nervous. I didn't know how the meeting would go, but I didn't stop praying for everything to go right. Like the first time I met him, I didn't want to disgrace myself once again.

I cringed and face-palmed at the memory. It was so horrible. I wanted nothing, but to be swallowed by the ground on that day.

I shook my head in an attempt to spurn the thought from my mind. It wasn't helping at all. In fact, it only made me more nervous that I already was.

I looked into the long mirror on the wall; I was dressed in a pink straight gown-a gift given to me by Farida. She also had the exact same. "Should I wear this? Is it okay?" I asked myself. I just wanted to make a good impression-an impression that would submerge the one he already had of me since the first time we met. "I think it's fine." I walked to closet and picked a blue scarf. I walked back to the mirror and draped the scarf over my head. It matched perfectly, but it seemed something was missing. "Hala, please-" I mentally face-palmed. Hala wasn't even around. I was so used to her presence, that I forgot. I wanted to ask for her opinion, but unfortunately, she had stepped out to visit her 'friends'. Not unfortunately actually-fortunately. I was relieved she wasn't around. Had she been around, I wouldn't have known how to explain the whole situation to her. I would have been busted. And knowing Hala, she wouldn't take it lightly. She would feel betrayed and that would be understandable. To be honest, I blamed myself for not telling her earlier on. Many times, I wanted to come clean to her and tell her about my feelings for Jawaad, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. "ah!" I puffed out air from my mouth and shook my head. "Whatever happens, I'm definitely going to have a talk with Hala today." It was a promise to myself and I wasn't going to go back on it. It was about time anyways.

I went back to my corner and brought out my makeup box from under the bunk. Due to the limited time I had, I opted for a light make-up-not like I was a fan of heavy makeup though, But I still do it when there is an occasion.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help, but think the makeup was a little too much. "Argh! What is this?" I wiped off the foundation I had applied and reduced the purple lipstick on my lips.

The beep from my phone made me flinch. "Oh my!" I quickly picked up the phone and as expected, it was a message from Jawaad. "Are you coming?" I read out the message.

I had told him to give me twenty minutes, but I had spent not less than forty minutes. What sort of impression was I giving again?

Yes.

I sent my reply and dropped the phone on my bed.

"Should I just put on a hijab instead? I think I should." I walked to the closet and and picked my royal blue hijab. "This will do." I took off the scarf and replaced it with the hijab.

This time, I didn't bother looking into he mirror again. I picked up my phone and dashed out of the room.

From afar, I sighted his car. I exhaled in other to calm my nerves. "Compose yourself, Manal! Compose! Be yourself. Don't you dare freak out! He's only human like you." I really needed someone else to tell me these things. I wished I had someone to talk to me, because telling it to myself wasn't really working, but at least it wasn't completely useless.

With one last deep breath, I continued walking towards his car-this time, steadily. The last thing I wanted, was for history to repeat itself. Falling down again would indubitably make me a clown.