The Man Who Ran Off With The Moon - [ Tsukkiyama Art Thief AU! ]

Resignation

Yamaguchi rubbed his face, pushing his hair back.
"That's a- maybe you could ask a more specific question?"
He looked up, smiling a bit helplessly. Tsukishima abruptly turned away. He paced around the room, collecting the details of the space. It seemed a bit timeless, almost cluttered. It almost looked like a room that still belonged to a teenage boy. The bookshelf was bursting with texts of every kind, contemporaries, classics, mangas, encyclopedias. He spotted the book Yamaguchi had been reading at Kuroo's house on the bed side table, next to a small discreetly framed photo.
Tsukishima held up the picture. A little printed Kageyama scowled at him, sitting cross legged on the floor beside Hinata. Yachi stood off to the side, her hands politely folded. In the center was Yamaguchi with his arms swung over Tsukishima's shoulders. His smile was brighter than the sun. Even photograph Tsukishima looked a little pleased. They were in practice clothes, and judging by Yamaguchi's hair length, it must've been their 2nd year of high school.
Tsukishima could not remember taking the picture, why they had chosen to document this moment with their classmates. It was strange, seeing it here, now. Yamaguchi took the frame from him and set it back on the table. Tsukishima sat down on the bed, facing away from him.
"How did this start?"
Yamaguchi sighed.
"My grandfather got into some bad business with the Goda company. When they came to collect their debt, my father couldn't pay off his father's mistakes. So I'm here, working as I can. It's not all bad, I've gotten a good education out of it."
Tsukishima nodded blankly. He had never known much of Yamaguchi's parents. They weren't sociable, even with their own son. Yamaguchi had always come to Tsukishima's house.
"So you got shot on purpose?"
"I did it myself", the green haired man mumbled.
"What?"
"I did it myself. I-I didn't trust anyone else to get the placement right."
"Oh."
"And you weren't really sick, were you?"
"No."
Tsukishima nodded slowly, trying not to betray his alarm. It was such a strange thing to be talking so normally about. He looked over at the photo again, then at the camera mounted on the wall.
"You're trapped here, too."
Yamaguchi shrugged, wrapping his pale freckled arms tighter around his knees, making himself a bit smaller. He made a small noise of agreement. Tsukishima sat up on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. He chuckled softly.
"So, when you fake broke into the house to text Bokuto from Kuroo's phone.. you took all of Kenma's computers, too. Were you just being a dick?"
He shook his head, slowly unraveling himself from the tight ball he was sitting in.
"No.. I just had them brought here, actually. With some adjustments made. Being kidnapped is.. unpleasant. I wanted him to be a bit comfortable at least."
Laughter spilled out of Tsukishima, but it wasn't quite friendly. It cut through the air like a knife. His shoulders shook, tears sprang to his eyes.
"Wow. That's incredible. That's just so nice of you, completely traumatizing someone, but hey, they can play video games as they wait to find out if they're being fucking murdered or not!"
Yamaguchi turned away, his expression unreadable. He laid back on the bed on his side, his back to the other man. Tsukishima balled his fists into the sheets, clutching it tightly. He worked to slow his breathing, his chest heaving up and down as his laughter threatened to pitch farther towards tears.

This is all so fucked.

He knew which question he wanted to ask the most, of the hundreds that were available to him, but the answer's potential scared him.
Outside, the moon had fled behind the clouds. The sky was thick with mist, gray, unwavering. There was no sense of calm stability, the pleasant mystery of a cloudy night. The stars darted in and out, shining furtively, half concealed. It felt deep and threatening, a night with as many questions as himself. It was probably around 2 am at this point, though no clocks could tell. He had always been a bit of a nocturnal leaning soul, especially in youth, but Tsukishima found himself longing for the glow of the day. Unharmed hands and feet, neat kisses, laying in the grass.

If I could just go back a week.
Or eight years.
If knew what I know now, I wonder how this would all be different?

Yamaguchi turned over, looking up at him. He plucked the question from Tsukishima's mind and brought it into the light.
"Not everything was a lie."
Tsukishima refused to meet his eyes.
"I never wanted to drag you into this. I do love you, I always have. You have always been so good to me, Tsukki."

A fire lit within him, angry and red.

"I've also been around, some. I went to your college graduation ceremony. I sat around the campus some, in the library. I served coffee once to that woman you were dating for awhile, so I could just talk to her for a bit. She was nice. And pretty. I've been to a couple of our teammates volleyball games, and I went to see you at zoo once. You looked so serious, standing there with all those reptiles-"

"Why the fuck would you tell me this?"

Yamaguchi sat up, a little startled. Tsukishima looked at him in a cool rage, "That makes all of this so much worse. You've been around, watching me, but you couldn't bother to even, I don't know, slip me a note that you're alive? The tiniest fragment of acknowledgement would've changed everything."
Yamaguchi shook his head, "You would've come looking for me."
Tsukishima turned abruptly. He stared down Yamaguchi, emotions mixing, confusing, churning.

"Then you should've let me find you."

Yamaguchi turned back away. The two men laid on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. They were close enough to feel the warmth of the other's body, but farther than they had ever been.
"I'm sorry for using you."
Tsukishima ignored him.
"I have another question."
Yamaguchi flicked his eyes towards him, giving him permission.

"What does he mean, take the boat out tomorrow?"

Yamaguchi swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"You weigh a body with rocks... and it sinks."

Tsukishima whistled, releasing another bitter laugh. "So, I'm gonna die?"

Yamaguchi didn't respond. His eyes looked glassy in the lowlight, "Can I ask you a question?"

"I don't care."

"Do you hate me, now?

Tsukishima sighed. He knew he felt stupid, isolated, afraid. He knew that he felt desperate for what he could not have, for what had been taken from him, for a remedy or a solution. He hated that desperation. He hated the uncertainty, the confusion.
Part of him thought he deserved it, so, maybe, he hated himself too.

"People have always found me terrible, or unpleasant. I'm abrasive. I don't like to deal with bullshit, and I think a lot of stuff is bullshit. I know people used to ask you why you put up with me, and I wondered that too."

Tsukishima looked at the photo of his teammates, of himself, of a better time. He turned to Yamaguchi, his face half pressed against the pillow. His hair hung limply, his eyes were red. Tsukishima imagined he probably looked worse.
He laid there, gazing at this odd enigma of a person across from him, and for the first time, something made a bit of sense.
A certain peace found its way into Tsukishima's heart, or at least an acceptance.

"I didn't know it then, but it's because you're just as awful and inept as I am, if not worse."

Yamaguchi nodded, taking in the insult. He moved to speak, but Tsukishima continued, "I don't hate you, but that's probably because I've never really known you. I don't think I can hate someone I know so little of. That's a different pain, but it's not one I have to deal with. I think.."

He sighed again, folding his hands over his chest, his heart slowing for the first time all evening. "I think the bottom of the ocean will be nice."
Yamaguchi quickly sat up, grabbing Tsukishima by the shoulders, gripping into him. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. Remember what I said earlier, do not mess with things you don't understand."
Yamaguchi had an expression on his face like he was trying to communicate the incommunicable, like he was trying to signal that there was something buried in his words Tsukishima should pick up on.
The blonde nodded and Yamaguchi released him, though Tsukishima didn't exactly follow what he was trying to say.

It didn't matter anymore.