The lock clicked as I turned the key to enter my condo, my heart sank. Twenty two months, three weeks and three days ago I moved into my brand new condo. The feeling of turning that same lock the first day is now a dying memory. I remember thinking of all the entertaining I would do, the possible dates I would bring back home. The smell of the new carpet still lingered through the halls. Bright dull beige walls, the stairs echoed as I climbed them. The halls were as quiet, no one but I lived in this building. I rattled my keys as I approached my door black door against the beige paint. Reminds me of a office more then a home. Two locks secured me in at night, a dark oak table was kept close to the door to empty my pockets onto. Set down my keys, I removed my phone from my pocket in my jacket and placed it on the charger. I sighed and grunted as I dug through my pockets removing a few receipts and a pack of gum and tossed it down.
I leaned on the table with my head up but my eyes closed. Just breathing. The pressure of my suit felt like a hug on my body, the tightness felt comforting. I could feel the heat in my shoes and the aches of the day were beginning. I sat there sullen with my thoughts of loneliness. I breathed back the sadness that was beginning to swell in my eyes. I bent down and untied my shoes before removing them. I took my drenched socks off, the soft carpeting felt like clouds between my toes. I walked my shoes into my room as I do every night, where I would place them in the closet on the shelf in line with my other loafers. I tossed the socks into a plastic white laundry basket, it was tall and looked clean but cheap. I never cared for it but between this and a brown wicker bin I thought this would go with my room. Even though my room looked like I was still in college just missing a extra cot. One full sized bed with no head board, no fancy furniture, just a bed and a black tall dresser. Nothing on the dresser and only a dark blue comforter layer on my bed, the pillows were tucked neatly under. I hung up the jacket to my suit and hung my button up and slacks and placed it on the dirty side of my wall in closet. Instead of him and hers, I have clean and dirty.
I sat at the edge of my bed in my underwear looking at the open closet door. I was in no rush to start to prepare my meal for the night. I sat there with my hands rubbing the hair on my legs. Observing the lines of the walls looking at the minor flaws. The line of paint at the top was near straight but wasn't completely. Seven. Seven different spots it dipped slightly. I focused on breathing. I think about how my parents never visit. Thoughts of the different people in my office talking about the relationships with their families rolled around like a recap of a shitty television series. Jealousy of a relationship I will never have with my parents. We don't have occasional dinners together, they don't visit just because. My parents haven't even seen my condo yet. I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was 22 and I am now 38. My friends are now married and I'm not even a relevant thought anymore. I couldn't keep running these thoughts through my mind any more the tightness in my chest kept growing, my legs were turning red from the friction of my hands. I went to my only dresser and opened the fourth draw to get a pair of joggers out and I put on a fresh pair of socks.
The kitchen was connected to the living area separated buy a island bar that had four seats along the edge of the bar. I pulled out a cut of filet mignon and potato. I imagine that while I'm preparing a meal that I have company over. I grab a bottle of vino, red merlot. I offer my guest a glass and only pour myself one. I take a sip and turn the oven on to pre heat. I wrap the potato in a piece of foil and put it to start. I take another sip before I begin to explain my meal to my guest.
"And now to season the meat" I wink towards the spot where I assume my guest would be, I imagine a beautiful women smiling back at me while she leans on her hands moving her glass in mini circles while the wine swirls. My spice rack was mounted into the island I grabbed each seasoning and I go placing it back it in it's spot when I was done with it.
