Cutting And Kidnapped

Chapter 6

Chapter 6:
Alexis' POV

I'm dying inside. That's the only way to explain myself. It's like I just wake up, put on a smile for everyone to see, break down by myself and repeat the process. Every single day. Sometimes I break down with Kenz but it's nothing compared to the way that I break down on my own. I know that Kenz realized that I didn't eat much.

I noticed the hurt in her eyes when she saw.

I noticed that although she always says she's there for me, she isn't. I'm the one who has to be the brave soldier and fight this on my own.

I noticed that I only do things for myself. I don't think about anyone else so I decided on 3.

One cut, two cuts, three. I'm kind of tempted to keep going, so I just do. Four, five, six, lost count somewhere. Not even realizing that I now have a thigh covered in blood. Literally once I clean up, there's a knock.

"Lexy, you okay?" Cole asks in the calm, seemingly worried tone.

Although I don't make any more marks, I dedicate one of those to letting him down. Two others to Kenz and Jack. I may not know for sure, but I'm almost positive that I'm letting them down by doing this.

"Yeah," I choke from crying which I didn't even realize, then try again, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a second." He mumbles his response and I know that I'll have to face the questions.

I walk out then immediately regret it. I forgot to flush. Shit. I hope he doesn't notice. But, of course, Cole realizes this. Fuck my life. Here comes the million questions. I swear if he asks the stupid 'why' question I'm going to break down. "Lexy... w-what were you doing in there?" Shit.

"Just fixing my hair and makeup." Please buy it, please buy it.

He gives me a disbelieving look before saying, "Alright Lex."

With that nickname, I just break. I fall to the floor and start crying my eyes out. Cole sits next to me to comfort me and I let him hold me.

After what I think is a few minutes, Kenzie is holding a hand out to me as I try to calm down myself. I take her hand and once I stand she engulfs me into a hug. "Come 'ere," She whispers and walks out of the room with me traveling behind. We walk outside on the step and sit down. "Lexy, I'm going to ask you a question, I want you to promise that you'll answer truthfully," she looks into my eyes as she tells this.

"I need to know the question first," I counter, because there are some things better kept to ourselves.

She sighs, "I need to know if you cut."

I tense up, but I don't think she notices. "No. Do you see anything on my arms?" I question.

"Alexis, come in my room with me, please," she just won't give it up. I mumble my answer and we travel back up the stairs into her room.

We sit on the bed. She starts, "I've read into this and there are three common spots. Wrists are the most common. The other two are the front of the torso and legs," she sighs again, "I want to know that you aren't. Show me your torso, first."

"Fine Kenzie. I do it," I choke out, tears spilling out once again. I fall into her arms and she rubs my back. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry Kenz," I say after I calm down enough to talk.

She keeps rubbing my back and says, "Shh. It's okay."

Meanwhile, a new wave of tears come when I realize that I'll have to tell this over again to Cole and Jack. Ugh.

"Lexy, you don't have to tell them. You told me at least and I think telling one person is good for now," she whispers into my hair.

I rely on her so much. Thank god she always knows what I'm thinking. Well, it's a blessing and a curse. "I know your thinking about how I always know what you're thinking," she laughs. I laugh with her but I feel like I shouldn't be here.

"Kenz, I'm going for a walk for an hour," I announced to her. I don't know where I'm gonna go but I need to take a walk.

As I stand, she pulls me back onto the bed. "Lexy, don't do anything stupid."

I turn to her, "What's that mean?"

"Just don't do anything you'll regret, okay?"

Although I know I'll probably do something that they'll be upset about and they'll make me regret it, I just agree with a simple, "Okay."

She urged me not to. Then she let me walk out of the room.

I fix up my hair and apply makeup to make it look like I'm an average person who doesn't have an inward fight with myself all the time. I walk out to grab a water bottle before I leave. Then, I walk upstairs to grab the little purse that I have set aside. I quickly check to make sure everything is in here. Money, yes. Blade, yes. Lip gloss, yes. Mini mirror, yep. Period products, yeah. Band aids, yes. I got everything I need. Putting everything back in the purse, Kenz walks in. Talk about shitty timing! She doesn't say anything, she just holds out her hand expectantly. I reluctantly hand her the blade. "And the band aids. Keep one should you need it. You have a lot Lex," she pointed out. I hand her the band aids with just as much trouble as with the blade. After she holds grasp of them, she drops the blade. With Kenz walking out and going into her room, I silently pick up the blade. I walk back into the bathroom to see if the blades in there are still there.

They aren't.

Dammit.

"Lex!!!" Kenz yells. "Get your ass up here now!"

I quickly tuck the blade into my "secret" pocket in the old yoga pants that I'm currently wearing, then run up the steps to make it look like I didn't do anything. "Lex. Purse." She hissed. I hand it over to her willingly, knowing she shouldn't find anything.

She goes through the one pocket I use all the time- where the important things are- and she finds nothing.

She looks through the ones that I pay absolutely no attention to. "Lex. Why in hell would you place a pocket knife in your purse?" She growled.

"I-I'm sorry Kenz," I whisper barely audible. "I forgot I even had it in there."

She sighs, "That's fine. But why did you have it in there in the first place?"

What is a believable lie? "Look Kenz, I gotta go," I fake.

"Arms up above your head," she commands. I give her a puzzled look and she glares at me, so I do as told. She pats me down to see if I have anything. I don't think she ever seen the secret pocket in these pants.

She finds nothing. "Lexy, you are to be back here in an hour. One minute late and you aren't to go anywhere without me, Jack, or Cole. Okay?"

"I- I gotta go. Bye Kenzie," I audibly whisper.

Walking out, I realize how late it is from the sky.