Was it all worth it

Chapter 2

My idea of love is too real for a world as fake as this one. My parents have never been the loving type towards each other and although they love  me and my siblings dearly, I've never seen a healthy loving relationship within my family. The only other examples I have are my aunt and uncle who are divorced and my other aunt and uncle who live in New York. Although, my grandad is incredibly loving towards my grandma and even though she's not passed yet, her mind is not what it used to be. I've never really known my grandma due to her difficult state that she developed when I was around 2 years old but I can tell how much my grandad truly and unconditionally loves her from every day that he stays by her bedside and looks after her. I can tell that he still believes she's there, he still believes she could come back to him he won't go without her and once she does I fear, like in the note book, their love will take them away together.

I've never thought I was afraid to love another. From all of the romance films I have watched, from all of the romantic novels and books I've indulged myself in to so many times it's countless, no one could think that a girl who is so obsessed with love could ever be scared of falling into it. But maybe it's actually true. Have I sabotaged my life by believing and making up a false concept of love in replace of the absence of which between the two people I rely on the most to show me what it should really mean, that I am scared to disappoint myself? I realise this sounds arrogant and like I have standards as high as Mount Everest but imagine being in my shoes. I am forever surrounded by the toxic side of love in my real life and have turned to the false fiction ideology of love from a young age, coming from story's starting with what most girls do such as Disney princesses up to the more sophisticated yet still fabricated image of love in the form of Wuthering Heights and so forth, which has in return became real to me as I strive to prove to myself and desperately believe that love is more than what I know it to be from this reality.