A Lesson to Learn

Chapter 11

Rey woke up the next morning confused as to how she got into her own bed after distinctly remembering falling asleep on the couch, and upset at her inability to speak her needs out loud last night. She was still in her clothes from yesterday and they weren't exactly the most comfortable sleeping attire, not to mention that her hair and face were an absolute mess as well. To top it all off, as she thought back to last night's events, the ramifications of her not clarifying her desire for an exclusive and official relationship hit her like a truck. It meant that Kylo could be off with some other woman doing god knows what right this very moment. He could have even called someone over the second he left Rey for all she knew. At this realization, Rey grabbed a pillow, put it tightly against her face, and let out a scream.

She was an idiot. She knew this. A couple of dates and some building tension did not a committed relationship make, and Kylo did not owe her any type of monogamy nor did she expect it when they hadn't made any clear boundaries, which meant her possessiveness over him was unwarranted. And while a part of her knew she was also being somewhat irrational because the way Kylo talked to her and looked at her seemed to speak volumes (not to mention they had spent a ridiculous amount of time either with each or texting to fill in the gaps while they weren't physically together this past week), she couldn't help but feel that someone as good looking and charming as Kylo could really have anyone he wanted (even if he was shy and introverted and didn't actually seem to like people all that much). And what if he didn't want her? What if he realized that she wasn't funny, or a good time, or special? What if he realized she was just a silly 25 year old who hadn't really ever been in a committed relationship because she wasn't worth the time?

Where the fuck is all this self-doubt coming from? I am a strong independent woman, and if he doesn't want me then that's his loss, Rey thought, trying to comfort and gather herself before her mind went out of control. One side of her knew her spiraling was somewhat due to her hunger to settle down and find someone to love, and also due to the unusually strong and ever mounting emotions she seemed to have towards Kylo. It's fine. You're fine. Just meet up with him, DTR the hell out of this relationship, and chill.

With her mind finally made up and her thoughts considerably more in check, Rey looked over at the clock to find it was already 10:00 am. She decided this wasn't too early or desperate of a time to text Kylo, so she shot off a message and hoped for the best.

***

Kylo woke with a start, sitting up on the couch covered in a sheen of sweat. He had never felt something so strongly through the bond before and the feeling almost scared him before he realized what it was. Rey was upset. More than upset. She was sad, confused, and angry. It was rolling off of her in waves and hitting him right in the chest through the bond. He couldn't quite tell what her anger was directed at, but all Kylo could think about was marching into her room, gathering her into his arms, and soothing her. But he couldn't do that, so he plopped back down and dragged his hands down his face. Had he messed something up? Done something wrong? Did she not want to be around him anymore?

He tried to think through the events of last night and couldn't find where he had gone wrong. Maybe in her sober state she was angry about the man-handling? He knew mortal women of this era were more independent. What was it that the online article had called it? Feminism? Yeah, that was it. Maybe he had overstepped his bounds. Or maybe he hadn't been straightforward enough with his intentions and now she thought he was a spineless coward. Mortal women were confusing, but he wasn't about to invade Rey's privacy and go searching through her mind (even if he desperately wanted to).

With a huff, Kylo got up from the couch and began to pace around, thinking about how he could ratify this situation. He didn't like feeling Rey so upset. It was certainly impacting his own mood. Kylo briefly began to wonder if he should be worried about the intensity of the bond lately and about its effect on him. He had never felt someone so vividly before, it was almost like Rey's emotions were crashing into him lately. What did this mean? Was it because he had feelings for her? Was this something else? He wished he could talk to his mother about it, but he wasn't about to break his decades long silence and anger towards her at his imprisonment. Though if he hadn't been bound to the ring he never would have met Rey. These "feelings" were a tricky thing. If Kylo wasn't so beside himself and happy every time he thought about Rey he would almost find it in himself to be upset at all these emotions. Maybe he could find a way to summon Hux to talk to him about all his "relationship" woes, if they could even be called that. He was overdue for a visit anyway.