Insecurities (Jay enhypen)

_14_

A/n Happy new year everybody. Let's all wish for 2021 to be a better year.
——————————————————————

'Mom I'm home.' Yells Dea entering the house.
Her mom comes up smiling.
'Just in time for lunch! Felix is here too. C'mon!'
'Felix is here?'
'Yeah, now c'mon.'
'No, mom. I'm not hungry. I'll be in my room.'
'You ate?'
'Yeah, I ate at Dallia's.' Dea goes upstairs to her room and lays in her bed. She fetches a book from her nightstand and starts reading to get her mind off of everything.

Soon she hears a knock on her door and her door opening and closing. She looks up to see Felix.
'Why didn't you join us for lunch?' He asks.
'Not hungry.'
'Is he your boyfriend?'
'Who?'
'The guy that was with you yesterday.'
'Which one?'
'The blond one that stood close to you.'
'Why do you care?'
'Is he?'
'Why do you care, Felix?' He sits on her bed.
'Because I want you back.' Felix says smirking.
'I don't want you back.'
'So he is.'
'You think me not being single is the reason why I don't want you?' He nods.

'How about all the things you put me through?'
'Put you through? I wanted what's best for you. I wanted to help you become the best version of you.'
'Best version of me? I was miserable, Felix. I hated everything about me. I would starve myself just to be good enough and all you did was make me feel like a piece of garbage. That day was the best day of my life, even though it didn't feel like it back then. I was finally free to be myself and all these years that you've been away I started hating myself less and less, but I still have so many insecurities and most of them started from you. Felix what we had was toxic for me. There is no way I'm going back there.' Yelled Dea
'You're just ungrateful. I did everything for you and you're taking it for granted. You're waste of my time.' Felix says and storms off slamming the door behind him.

A lonely tear falls down Dea's cheek and multiple others following it. Even if Dea grew to hate Felix his words still hurt like they did before. He is, after all, someone she used to love, care about. Her mind keeps repeating his words over and over again like a broken record. But she manages to put herself back together. She stands up, takes her phone and leaves her room.

'What happened?' Asks her sister.
'What do you mean?'
'Why did Felix storm off?'
'He wanted to get back together and well I didn't.' Dea's sister nods in understanding.
Dea turns around to leave but stops when her sister speaks.
'You never told why you two broke up.'
'We weren't good for each other, at least he wasn't.'
'Can I come with you?' Her sister asks.
'Why? You don't even know where I'm going.'
'I just want to talk to you.'
'Okay.'

Dea and her sister are walking down the street to the near park. They're walking in silence, but the silence soon is broken by her sister.
'I'm sorry.'
'Sorry? For what?'
'I didn't know how Felix was back then. I found out after he left and I understood why you lost so much weight when you were together and why you were so distant.'
'How did you found out?'
'One of my old friends dated him earlier than you did. She moved away suddenly and we didn't hear anything from her. Recently I found her and talked to her to know why she did what she did and she told everything. He did the same to you too?'
'You mean the diets, the restrictions, the constant judgments?'
'Yeah...'
'He did.' Dea says. Her sister pulls her into a hug and Dea hears her sister's sobs.
'I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know. I would never let him close to you if I knew.' She says in between her sobs.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Dea and her sister now are in the park sitting on the bench. Her sister is not crying anymore, but her face shows the traces of the tears.
'I didn't understand what was happening back then and after, I didn't want to talk about it. It was hard, still is.' Dea says looking down and playing with her fingers. 'I'm sorry.'
'Why are you saying sorry? I should be the one apologizing. I clearly saw the signs and didn't do anything.'
'You trusted him. You wouldn't even think of him like that. Don't feel sorry.'
'But still... you're my little sister I should be protecting you from bad people not introducing you to them.'
'You just didn't know. Don't blame yourself.' Dea says and hugs her sister.

'Why are you still friends with him even after finding out?' Dea asks once they break the hug.
'I wanted to be sure.'