Changed destiny for you

Chapter 3: A sunny day to kill God (15x19)

Dean had no idea how any of them were gonna sleep that night. By tomorrow they were either be death in the worst way possible or perhaps they wouldn't even exist at all. Who knows what the literal god could do. Even if they won... what next? All they could do is trust in Jack. Even though the kid didn't trust himself.

He couldn't say he had nothing left to lose because he did. He had a lot to lose. Sam and Jack. They were everything to him. Cas was too.

He popped in his head from time to time. And as he laid in his sleeping bag, Sam's snoring in his right ear, he thought about how he should've said something back. Anything back. The more he thought about it the more sure he was sure that he loved Cas back. Dean was mad at himself that he let Cas die, thinking his feelings were unrequired. Dean wanted to scream that they weren't. He wanted to scream in the void that was the empty that he loved the dork, but it was too late. A "what if" haunting him until the day he died. May that be tomorrow or perhaps even years.

He had thought that Cas was something he couldn't have and now that he knew he could've... all this time. He would've rather gone without knowing at all.

"Hey... You're awake too, huh?" Jack whispered. Dean didn't expect Jack to be awake. He wiped the tear off his cheek and cleared his throat. "Yeah..."

Jack turned his head to look at Dean. "Thinking about Cas?" he asked.
Dean blinked and tried to act as if he had no idea what Jack was talking about.

"Dean... It's okay." Jack said. "When you told us about the deal with the empty I figured what happened."

Dean blinked. "How did you know?"

"He told me... and how he would be taken when he was most happy."

Dean stayed silent for a few seconds, taking it in. "And you figured-"

"-that was you, yes."

"That makes you smarter than me. I didn't know and I've known Cas for years."

"It's not easy to see when there is no switch in behavior to you. He always loved you"

"Yeah? Well loving me got him dead." He turned his back to Jack and closed his eyes. "Like everyone always does."

It was quiet in the room.
Dean listened to Sam snoring, wondering how the hell he could sleep. Maybe he trusted in their plan more. No matter how hard Dean tried he never stopped worrying. The need to protect the last 2 people he loved and cared about was too high. He guessed that happens when being a protector was drilled into him ever since he was a child.

"Of all the different universes, all the different Castiel's, our Cas decided to go against direct orders and rebel for you... He went above and beyond Chuck's expectations because he didn't expect an angel would fall in love with a human.
He saved the world because of love and he would do it again. No matter how you see that I think that's beautiful." Jack said.

He had carefully chosen his words to get the point across. Jack was right (of course.) But it didn't stop the heartache in his chest.

"Thank you Jack." Dean said and turned back around to face him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Jack frowned.

"For everything. Everything I have ever done wrong."
Dean had to admit it wasn't easy to be so open about his emotions, but with all that had happened he was due for a change.

"I appreciate that." Jack said.

Dean nodded. Not that Jack would see that in the dark. (or would he? He didn't know what the extent of Jack's abilities were.)