CLOUDED REALISATION OF A LIFETIME

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'Hey! Heyo.'

'Come back, how did you get my number!' I typed in the chat furiously, loosing myself.

'Why are people crazy!' I shouted at the top of my voice waking up Jemzy and Zainab.

'What is it?' Jemzy asks while yawning and scratching behind her eyes.

'Someone stupid...or am I just getting worked up?' I say my latter words with a soft disturbing tone.

I got up with full force and went to where my friends lay. I sat in their middle and asked them, more like informing them.

'It's true. I get worked up unnecessarily. Aaaarghhh'. I itch the sides of my head with both hands scattering my hair packed previously in a ponytail.

My veins came to see what was up with me this time: what the hell is sparking her up now? My dark skinned face became reddish. It was almost as if my head wanted to leave me. I kept hitting my head cells and colliding with my neurones. Then I said:

'Isn't that why she died, cos of me, Saraj was right. I killed my mom. Semiyyah died cos of me. She died cos of meeeeee. Aaar...rghhhh.'

My friends tried consoling me. This time, it was really a mental breakdown. I was staggering on the bed as they both with their large hands tried keeping me calm but I was too strong. I let go forcefully of their hands, with full force I fell off the bed to the marble floor. I was sitting on the edge so guess that's why I fell that hard.

'Get a hold of yourself!' Zainab screams.

I was uncontrollable. It has been a long time since this had happened. Since my mom died I haven't had this lash out and that was fifteen (15) years ago. I screamed, yelled, rolled on the floor, pushing Jemzy with my feet continuously but unconsciously. I guess it hurt cos she still feels pain in her chest. I hit my head that day. Very, very hard on the picture frame near the television. It was the last picture mom took with me, the day she died.

Zainab had to do something. She couldn't bare seeing me like that we've been friends since we were little. Our moms gave birth on the same day in the same hospital, Saint Louis. They thought it was fate. Our friendship was fate. She took out the shot from where she hid it. Up above in the attic, in where my old memories were buried. She stabbed me with it, I mean she gave me the shot to obviously calm me down. I went into sleep mode immediately. Jemaimah freed my feet which she locked while I struggled. And there we stayed. Paranoid I was cos of nothing at all.

'She hasn't got over it, I guess.' Jemzy said to Zainab who was in shock trembling. 'Hey, don't be like that.' trying to calm her down. Forcefully smiling to make her contract her smile too but it wasn't working. 'Hey you won't be of much help to her like this and you know that.'

'Hey!' But nothing she said could snap her out of it. 'Don't do this!' She says 'I can't deal with you people like this, please, please.... She says in a soft pleading tone.

'Please Zainab, han? hun?. Please look at me dear.' She keeps holding her face to keep it up cos it kept falling. Zainab was in shock. I was in awe.

Zainab turns to look at her and she smiled and kept on smiling.

'Oh my God.' She says with tears. 'You shocked me. I thought it came again. I had really thought you would freeze again for days to come. She dressed nearer and says while dragging herself to her on the floor.

'Please.' Still with tears in her eyes.
Zainab smiles and then faints. She falls smoothly on her back in front of Jemzy who is in tears and near to the left of herself was me.

Her lips kept twitching. She kept shaking her head like she was glitching. She threw her legs into the air, screamed, kept on screaming till she stood up briskly. She stands to face us both lying on our backs on the floor. She cleans her tears and said:

'Hmm....I am their big sister after all.'

She carries us onto the bed. Zainab first before lifting me too. She covered us both with the duvet, turned off the lights and heads towards the computer, almost looking like a dead piece of tech. It's old anyways. As she heads to the computer, lead towards it by the lights from the monitor's screen, she came across a bump and hit her toe very hard.

'Aaarghhh ' She screams in pain.

She holds the pain till she reached the computer. She switched on the lamp and she went through the messages. She blinked with her straight A face. Her face got her the title, Soldiers Den cos she to others never smiles. She kept on scroling till she comes to a pause, a message I didn't see, 'And peace be upon you'. She looked puzzled. It no doubt that it could just be a greeting but she had a weird feeling about this. That text ended with a logo too. A chess sign sighing.

She ignored it. 'Well it couldn't mean anything'. These days joining emojis together to give meanings was the order of the day. Anyways, she took a screen shot of it and then exited the page. She turned off the computer, took the plates I ate with then put them in the kitchen sink. We all live together in an apartment we rented close to the school. These days, campus hostel is beyond reasoning. And that was it, the end of tragic day one (1). That was the beginning of all of this. We thought it was the end. We all had a big day tomorrow so Jemzy thought to sleep in early hoping everything would be back to normal.

***

The next day I woke up first. Yesterday's drama had got to an end. I woke up with a bickering pain in the left side of my head.

Jemaimah called my name, out loud.

'Must be a bad dream.' I concluded.

After I woke, I did my usual. Jemzy woke up next. She's really fast at taking her baths, putting on make up and the rest of all those girly things she and Zainab do. I'm not a girly girl.

I am in a state of my weakest ego, perplexity.

______
'Hhh.' She breathes out forcefully and says. 'Right now, I do not feel good. Why must I explain it to you? Who are you again?'

The lady, pale white-skinned, brutish British therapist replies her.

She smiles. ' I see you are bringing out all the frustrations. This is good. Better than yesterday's. Glad that I made this a daily even on Church's day.'

'I am confused. Frustration? I am not! I am not. Really I am, NOT!' She smiles back. Rubbing the sides of her head. She's not grinning. She looks crazy.

They continued.

'Should we stop here, or?'

'Have a blessed day my dear therapist. I feel like I am in school again with you as my considering lecturer.' She smiles. She bow. She leaves, through the door.

She walks pass the haunted house, briskly. Her hoodie, she wore well over her jeans which she folded the base twice. She wears snickers, not too expensive, not too cheap. She wears a watch, a leather one purple in colour with a golden face.

She stops to breathe in the cold air and to let the autumn call her name, softly. It was windy.

She cries there and now, prettily, pitifully. Her tears are not sleek they are meek. She's weak. She's got none. Pretty don't cry, burst my dear, don't let it in. If only I can tell her that.

Even if I do, will she listen. I am but a passerby. 'Mind your business, will you?' I am sure that's what she'd tell me.

Hmm....

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