When there's smoke there's fire.

Little fires everywhere

Year-2049 / Month- October / Day-8

My wife was killed-executed today. I wasn't surprised, They did say she was 'not necessary anyways.' I was sitting at home near my music room when the door busted open. A squadron of men and woman in black mech suits bust in. The black was so black...too black. It looked they were a shadow, It stood out from the blue of everything else. Elizabeta was in the kitchen cooking dinner for the two of this when they bust in tearing our house apart. They broke my mother's urn, I didn't really care though what's dead is dead. Why should I pity others? Elizabeta screamed when they took hold of her. She struggled just like everyone else. No one wants to die, at least not like this. I watched as the force took her outside I watched as they kicked her body into the concrete, I watched as she struggled for air when one stepped on her neck leaving a shoe imprint. I listened when I heard her last words. "Roderich are you really okay with this? Why would you just-" Elizabeta died before she could finish her sentence. I wouldn't say her words struck a cord with me, But I came to a realization.

"I'm a horrible person." I was never like this I used to smile and laugh around the piano with my sister and my wife. I used to scared of the dark and ask my mother if I could sleep with her.  I don't know anymore. Maybe I am insane, Maybe I wanted this. Me and Eliza weren't always on the best terms we fought a lot. But that doesn't mean I would want her dead. But honestly I don't know anymore. I just want someone to talk to. Even the extermination force was shocked when they realized I didn't look one bit hurt. I feel bad of course. No one deserves to die (But is this really true?)

I have to talk to someone, anyone I just want to make sure I'm alive. Maybe I'm in a coma and this is all a dream! Maybe I'm dead and this is hell? This can't be real I've heard of a mental illness that was recently discovered. It was called madness. Maybe I can just get myself checked out make sure this not real! But then I would be executed like the others.

I need a break from this. I need a break from life.

I sit and play my piano like my life depends on it. I play and I play and I play and I keep playing because that's the only thing I'm really good at it's the only thing keeping me alive. (Mentally and physically) It didn't help. I've fallen to far into this man made dystopia to fix myself now. Usually the feel of an authentic piano that dates back to 1967 feels amazing. It doesn't feel like the electronic holograms we use now. It suppose to feel like something but right now I can't feel anything. I think I'll throw up soon. I ended up throwing up on the floor, It spilled out of my stomach like a cup that falls from a counter does. I threw up but nothing came out. Well nothing normal when you throw up. There was no food. I haven't eaten in 5 days. Food is expensive and I always wanted to give what we could afford to my wife. I knew she was going to die soon so I wanted her to eat her fill as much as she'd like.

Stomach acid is disgusting. It was all over the floor. It smelled like dead animal. I wasn't bothered to clean it up so I watched out of my torched front door and decided to look around metro. Metro was full of dead bodies and people yet to be killed. I saw someone protesting with a sigh saying. 'the government is lying to us come step up and start the revolution'. He was beaten down with a baton, I saw his teeth come out when he spit rose colored blood onto the concrete. Blue is such a nice color to look at when you're feeling down or unsure. Red screams impulsive and green seems like someone is lying.

Red and green. Why would the government play around with those colors when everyone knows they were forbidden in 2038. Everyone knows the only way to get those colors now is with poison. And killings humans... Just what is the government doing? To think that the person that got me to question this in the first place was Antonio. I can't help but laugh. He always makes me laugh. (He also got me to question everything I know but that's not the point)

I wonder if the others are doing well. We should get together, despite the situation. I'd be happy to see them. But do they want to see me?