When I need you most - Gream/Dreamnotfound

Whirlwind

TWs - Self harm, suicidal/eating disorder mentality

--Clays POV-

As I looked to my left on the bus, I couldn't help but notice that George looked way skinnier than last time I saw him - a month ago. He use to have some colour on his cheeks, and some fat on his neck/face. Not much fat, just a healthy amount. But now, he was just skin and bone. He had no colour on his face, it looked sickening. I glanced over at Nick who was also looking at George - however he was making it less obvious. 'Should I ask?' I mouthed to Nick. 'Yeah dude, go for it' is what I read. As I opened my mouth to say something - George turned to me. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." he mumbled. "George, are you okay? You've lost a LOT of healthy weight - and all the colour is drained from your face." I stated. He just faced the front of the bus - completely ignoring me. I knew if I said it again it would be awkward, so I decided to drop it. "Look, we're here." George said not even a moment later. As I grabbed my bag and stood up - I waited for nick to get to the isle before me, George was already walking off the bus.

As Nick got in front of me, he said "Dude, I'm kinda worried for him, he looks unhealthy." Nick said. I nodded in agreement. It pained me to see something was wrong with George. It felt like my life revolved around his perfect personality and his perfect looks. However, I knew something was up with his eating. "Let's watch what he eats today." I sighed as I got off the bus. Nick nodded back. George was a few steps ahead of us, waiting. "C'mon guys, we got like 20 minutes before class starts, let's enjoy this time." He chirped. "George, I'm worried for you." Nick sighed. 

"Stop, don't be. I'm fine, I was just sick with the flu so I didn't have a lot to eat for a bit because I'd vomit it back up," he said. "I'm fine!" he chirped, smiling. The smile looked fake as fuck. I knew that's not how he smiled. When it was a genuine smile the left side of his smile was slightly bigger than the right. This smile, both sides were equal. However, he obviously wanted to drop this. So I would just call him tonight.

As we walked through the hall, we walked to our usual spot where we sat. However, there were Freshmen there. "Move." Nick said with a serious tone. There was one girl that was George's height (5'6). (In this story george is smaller) But the rest were around 5'7-5'9. Nick was slightly taller then the tallest girl. However, me being 6'5 (Clay is taller in the story) meant I towered over them. They quickly scrambled when Nick said that - obviously scared for their first day of Highschool. "Nick! That was mean," George pouted. "We could of sat somewhere else!" He added on. "George, that's our spot. We've sat there since freshman year, right Clay?"

"Right."

George was stood next to me, now that I realised - I was almost a foot taller than George. "George, have you shrunk?" I giggled. As he looked up at me - I think he was startled at how tall I was in comparison. "Stoppppp." He joked. "My 13 year old brother is taller than you, George!" Nick said as he sat down. George and I followed his action and sat down too. There was still ten minutes until classes started. 

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In first period George and I had science. We entered the room and sat together. During the lesson, we would spread a whisper to each other - making sure we didn't disrupt the class. However, George put his hand up to answer a question.

--George's POV--

I raised my hand to answer a question. It was just about Hook's law which was fairly simple. As I raised my hand, I completely forgot about the scars scattered on my arm. My hoodie sleeve seeped down my arm. Suddenly, I froze - quickly putting my hand down and tugging my sleeve back to my wrist. 

What if Clay saw?

I looked over to Clay, who looked like he was about to cry. 

He definitely saw. 

"Clay, it's from my cat. It's not what it looks like." I said - more monotone than I wanted. "George, stop lying to me. First it's your weight, now this? What happened to you this summer!" He said as he pulled me into a tight hug. "Come to my house tonight, I'll explain everything - for now, DON'T tell Nick." I choked out. Tears falling down my face and onto Clay's shirt. As Clay was hugging me - I glanced over to the teacher, Mrs Masley. Mrs. Masley did a pointing action - meaning Clay and I could exit the class. Nobody was looking, which was good. However, I have a feeling Mrs. Masley saw the whole thing. Clay and I were the best in the class - so we hardly paid attention in lessons because we already knew it. As soon as we left the classroom we walked to the bathroom. It hurt knowing that my crush knew how fucked up I am.

"George, explain now. Show my both your arms, tell me everything." He said rather seriously. This made me burst into more tears, my eyesight blurry due to all the tears escaping my eyes. As Clay realised this, he pulled me into another hug. "George, please don't cry. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to scare you." He sighed into my ear. As he said this, I escaped the warmth of his hug. I wanted to be in that hug forever, but I knew I couldn't. As he said this I lifted both of my sleeves - revealing hundreds of cuts. All having different ages. 

As Clay saw this, he looked shock. I could see he wanted to cry but didn't want to scare me. He wanted to stay strong 

for me.

"George, tell me everything." he sighed. "Clay, I have these voices in my head. It's like they're battling eachother. Debating whether or not it's worth another day. These voices are there all the time, traveling throughout my head. It feels like I'm being repetitively being punched in the face - and it WON'T stop. The only thing keeping my alive is self-harm, something that slowly kills me. I feel disgustingly fat and so I haven't ate anything for a few days. Before that I only ate then vomited it right back up. I've gotten to the point where I can hardly sleep at night - because it hurts. I never have the motivation to do anything and there's nothing I can do about it." I cried. "I WANT TO DIE!" I half yelled.

Clay gasped at what I said. "I'm not done," I mumbled.

It was now or never if I reveal my feelings - and I've chosen now. "Clay, the voices don't only battle about my life or death. They battle on when to tell you that I like you - more than a friend. And they've chosen now." I sighed. 

I just ruined my friendship. 

(1220 words)