Avengers Mental Health One-Shots

Natasha - "I have no place in this world"

*Summary = After AOU Natasha never fully recovers from her vision, she has flashbacks, panic attacks, and she begins to self harm,, will she ever be anything other then the monster they created?*
*This took so long to write, like literal days and days*

Nat's POV

"You'll break them" I mutter

I stare out at the ballet students, I watch them repeat the routine "again" and "again"

I don't know if I'm holding my breath, but my chest feels tight, it certainly doesn't feel like I'm breathing. I don't even know if I could breathe right now. Surely it would hurt too much.

"Only the breakable ones" I hear a voice from beside me, I don't look, I don't want to see her. Her voice is enough to send shivers down my spine.

"You're made of marble"

Marble, I don't feel like I'm made of marble right now, I feel weak. I feel broken.

No. I'm strong. I won't break. I will not break.

"We'll celebrate after the graduation ceremony"

The graduation ceremony. No. Get out of my head.

"What if I fail?" Panic floods into me. I don't know why I even asked. I know what happens to failures, to the weak. I've seen it so many times. The Red Room only wants the best, only wants the strongest, only wants perfect people. I have to be perfect.

"You never fail"

The words echo. She's right. I'm their black widow. I'm the star pupil. I don't fail.

Suddenly I was no longer watching.

I was fighting.

The graduation. It's here.

What if I don't want to graduate?

I want to be free. Free. Freedom. What even do those words mean? No one is truly free.

The man gets me in a choke hold. I let him. I don't want the ceremony.

"Sloppy"

She noticed. Her voice was cold.

"Pretending to fail"

I was trying to catch my breath. My chest felt so tight. I was born to do this. This was all I am, why was I so scared?

"The ceremony is necessary..." her voice, it sounded almost comforting. It wasn't harsh or cold anymore It sounded caring.

"...for you to take your place in the world"

I was strapped to a gurney.

No. The ceremony. I wanted it to stop.

"I have no place no place in the world"

"Exactly"

My eyes shot open. I tried to sit up suddenly, but pain shot through my arm. I couldn't move. Something was holding me. I panicked. Where was I? I was trapped.

My eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I was in my room? At the compound. I looked to my wrist to see a handcuff, I forget I had had to start using them again. I must have been tossing in my sleep because my wrist was red and there were blisters. I unlocked them and examined the damage. No worse then the ones from last night. Or the ones before that.