Darkness

Darkness. Metaphorical or literal it still unnerves me. I used to be afraid of going to sleep. The idea of the sun setting and failing to rise ever again would corrupt my mind for
nights on end. Although it was unrealistic, it was something that induced a real fear in me. Darkness. Something that took over me from a young age. It is peculiar how you can go from a jovial, innocent child with a euphoric sense of freedom to an unmotivated teen with an irreplaceable melancholy attitude that pushes people away from you. There is a violent juxtaposition to who i once was and who i am now. Imagine a feeble candle light slowly losing its ability to shine and provide the purpose
it was made for.That is what it was like for me. A constant confused state, questioning if i was truly being myself , questioning what people thought of me, questioning life in general. My mood fluctuated between two main emotions: anger and sadness. Both so elegantly worked together to manipulate my thoughts and my actions. Our emotions are intelligent. Maybe even more so than we are. They are able to turn nothing into something and make our existence feel as insignificant as an amber
leaf that has lost its connection from the grand tree it had sprung from. Our mind crunches and conceives to our emotions. That is how we learned to survive.
However, there is one flaw. When your anger and sadness develop into depression and anxiety it's as if your body has completely broken its natural cycle and is slowly
killing itself with the mechanism which once controlled it. A de-attatchment happens. The body and the mind become two separate beings. The mind becomes filled
with darkness. Darkness. The one thing that you feared most now comforts you. Once you let the darkness in it's impossible to get it to leave. In the state you are, you don't
mind this. There is warmth which can be found in the dark. Scientifically, something is considered dark when it absorbs photons causing it to appear dimmer in comparison to
the things around it. This is not my definition of darkness. For me darkness is like a spirit. It can be friendly and sometimes evil. No matter which way it is perceived it will
still possess me and make me rely on it. Darkness is a drug for those of us who are lonely. It can be used as a blank canvas to conjure up our deepest desires.
We are able to indulge in it and find company. Not everyone reading this will understand. As romanticised as darkness is. You are the lucky ones.

The darkness hasn't gotten to you yet.