BARE SOULS: A STEAMY TEACHER/STUDENT ROMANCE

CHAPTER 73 | ZANE

Her call came as a surprise. Maybe it was motivated by the fact that she spoke to Maria earlier, but I was nonetheless glad she reached out to me. 

I didn't know what to expect when I drove there. I was not sure if I was about to face her hate, her sadness or her indifference, and I was anxious to find out. But we needed this... I needed this. I needed to be able to explain it all to her and it was up to her whether she accepted it or not. But I needed a last moment alone with her... Just one last time. 

Her sadness, her anger, her pain... I got it. I could take all her needs to vent. She was entitled to scream... Shit, she was even entitled to slap me if she felt like it. I would have taken it all. 

The only thing I couldn't take were her tears. And when she folded her knees to her chest while hiding her face between her arms, her small body trembling in silence, it punched me right in the chest. 

I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her and stop her from hurting. I wanted to touch her... be near her. The distance between us over the past few weeks had felt so unnatural and I barely could stand it. But I knew I couldn't... I knew she didn't want me to. 

But there was also that part of me that was angry. Angry at her... That part of me that couldn't stop thinking about what my brother said. The part of me jealous of the fact that she left Levyn get too close to her. That part of me that somehow felt highly betrayed by this girl I wanted to convince myself only had eyes for me. It was a hard payback to swallow, even if I already knew that the way I hurt her easily justified her action. 

She said there were too many versions of myself without realizing that she also had multiple versions of herself as well. The Harper I met for the first time looked like a mature and confident femme fatale. The Harper I met in my classroom was that too young, too fragile, too shy girl with a hidden brilliant talent for writing. The Harper I fucked in my car that day was a mix a both: scared and daring. Hesitant and eager. The Harper I fell for was a raw soul ready to conquer the world despite the many obstacles she knew she would have to face. The Harper I deeply hurt was a cold blooded woman desensitized to her own feelings yet unable to hold back her tears. I recently realized that this Harper scared me... Because she had the power to destroy me for good. 

The silence had settled for a while between us. Her tears had dried and she was watching the repetitive movements of the water while I did the same, taking glances at her from time to time, wondering what was going on through that mind of hers at the moment. 

    "Thank you..." she suddenly broke the silence. "... For explaining all that..." she wiped her cheeks and rubbed her nose before suddenly standing up.

I guess she had all the answers she needed and was done with this conversation. Disappointment hit me at the realization she was getting ready to leave. It had been so long since we last talked and I missed it. I missed her... And I was not ready for her to go yet. But at the same time, why would she stay? It was not as if nothing had changed between us... Everything did. I was no longer her escape. I became another unnecessary source of pain in her life. No matter what I could say, nothing was going to fix it. 

But the idea of her walking out for good was too hard to accept at the moment. Even if I came knowing that it would probably have been the last time I would get to talk to her alone. Even if I came already knowing she was done with me. Even if I already knew there was no use to try to salvage it. So as she walked by me, I grabbed her hand instinctively. 

She flinched and froze, giving me a questioning look. So now what? What could I say to justify the flow of thoughts drowning my mind at the moment? I had no fucking clue...

    "Wh-What are you doing?" she asked in a shaky and hesitant voice.

I clenched my jaw while trying to find a valid explanation to my sudden gesture, knowing that there was no logic behind it. "I... Don't know... I'm just not ready yet to let you go..." I foolishly answered.