Metanoia • Harry Potter • Book I

Chapter Seven

After Keziah argued with Draco, the air between them went from chilly to below freezing. She couldn't even look him in the eye without either wanting to scream or to cry. Emotions sucked, Keziah thought privately.

If her friends noticed the difference, they didn't say anything though.

There were greater things on Keziah's mind though than the likes of Draco Malfoy. For one, she was having her first lesson with Lockhart and she was simultaneously excited and revolted.

Thanks to Lavender Brown, the year group's resident gossip, almost everyone was aware of Gilderoy Lockhart's self-absorbed and incompetent teaching methods. Ironically, this made everybody even more interested in the man, which in turn, made him swagger around the castle with such grandeur that it made Keziah feel sick.

According to Harry, Lockhart had also taken to the habit of stopping him in the corridors and giving him the most patronizing, idiotic advice Harry had ever heard. Strangely enough, Lockhart never lent Keziah the same treatment and she was curious to see whether that would change after her lesson with him.

When the smarmy man welcomed the Second-Year Slytherins into his classroom, Keziah and her friends made a beeline towards the back. The room was covered in portraits of Lockhart, making it creepy to look anywhere, especially at the front.

Lockhart clapped his hands and grinned widely as he looked out into the class. Lily Moon was staring dreamily out of the window while Pansy Parkinson was staring dreamily at Lockhart.

Despite the less-than-warm response, the man still looked cheerful. He leaned over and grabbed Crabbe's copy of Gadding with Ghouls and pointed to his face on it.

"Me," he said. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile — but I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her."

He waited for people to laugh but nobody even cracked a smile. Even Pansy was looking a little less dreamy.

"I see you've all bought my book," he continued. Keziah, Daphne, Theo and Blaise all smirked at each other from the back row. "I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about — just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken them in..."

When he'd handed out the test papers, he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes. Start now."

There was a chorus of rustling as everybody scribbled down their names and turned to the first page. Keziah read it in revulsion:

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. What is, in your opinion, Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest ambition to date?

It went on and on over three pages of the same drivel up and down to:

54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would Gilderoy Lockhart's ideal birthday present be?

Keziah considered writing her complete honest answers but she didn't want to blow her cover, especially not to a slimy git like him. Instead, she did something that he figured would hurt him even more.

She ripped up the test.

The parchment split with the most satisfying sound Keziah had heard in a long time. She ripped it once, then into quarters and then into eighths. She got up with everybody's eyes on her and walked up to the paper basket and tossed the scraps in like confetti. Lockhart had been struck dumb even as she turned to him.