The Winter Ghost

Part 7

The early morning sun streamed through the windows, burning at the corner of your eyes. A groan escaped your throat as you shifted out of its glaring view. Your head ached with the memory of another nightmare.

You picked up your phone on the nightstand and typed in your password. Absentmindedly you scrolled through your messages with Bucky.

You: Hey. 4:15 pm (read)

You: Wanna watch a movie later? 8:25 pm (read)

You: Hey, u still up? 12:45 am (read)

The next week was a complete blur. You would have loved to relive the blissful moment you had shared with Bucky, but the night after, he disappeared. You knew he hadn't left on a mission as the rest of the team would recall seeing him around. You felt foolish looking for a man who so obviously didn't want to see you. Or maybe he was just busy, you would try to reassure yourself. But as the days drawled on, you found it hard to keep convincing yourself of that. Maybe you had come on too strong? Maybe he didn't feel the same way and you completely read the situation wrong? I mean, you practically threw yourself at him, right? God, you felt stupid. And what was worse, the nightmares only got worse in Bucky's absence. Almost every night he would lay by your side, petting your hair and reassuring you. You didn't really realize the effect he had on you until it stopped.

A few nights later, Steve, T'Challa and Bucky were to leave on a mission to interrogate Zemo. Steve explained he was apprehended about a year ago and was held up in a maximum security prison. You didn't ask where, worried if you knew you might use your newfound 'gifts' to tear him a new asshole.

The night before they left there was a soft knock on your door. You looked up curiously, hoping for just a split second that maybe it was him... You crossed the room slowly and creaked the door open. As the hallway light poured into your dimly lit bedroom you saw Bucky's disheveled form. He looked like hell. You didn't think he would have already been sleeping, not that you minded an impromptu visit from your favourite Super Soldier, but his worried eyes concerned you.

"Can we talk a sec?" He asked, his voice confirming he was indeed in crisis. You nodded slightly and let him in. He walked towards your bed, instantly taking a seat and waiting for you to join. He really looked terrible. You could tell he was a wreck. Good, you thought. The man had literally kept you up for nights worrying, wondering if you were the cause of his sudden cold shoulder.

"I think that's a good idea." You spoke sternly, surprised with how calm your voice came out. To be fair, you had practiced this conversation in the mirror a few times. As long and Bucky stuck to the script, you'd be fine.

He smirked slightly, tapping the space beside him. As you got closer, you realised what bad shape the guy was really in. Dark circles blossomed under his once blue eyes, now dark and stormy and bloodshot. His usual scruff was now almost a beard and looked unkempt and overgrown.

"Listen, doll. There's somethin' I've been meaning to say... I was just tryin' to find the right words but then, last week, you kissed me and-" You didn't let him finish before interrupting.

"You kissed me back?" Your words were harsh and you could tell they hurt Bucky. Maybe ease up a little, you thought as you took a deep breath. In all your time practicing what you were going to say to Bucky, him looking like a complete and utter wreck was never part of the picture.

"What? Course' I did. But that's not what I came to talk to you about." He sighed, taking another long inhale and holding it a few seconds, before drawing it out slowly. "Y/n, I need you to understand, the person I am now, I wasn't always this way. I was broken and put back together so many times I had forgotten who I was." He started. Bucky had told you about his past with Hydra before. Many nights you stayed up listening to him recall the few memories he had from his time. It made you somewhat thankful that yours hadn't come back quite yet.