The Enchantress | COMPLETE | AbhiGya Fiction

2. Behind the Calm

Pragya:

"While you lick your finger clean after devouring my heart, I will be drying my tears with the broken promises you left behind. And I promise you, come morning; you'll be the one-left hungry and wanting more." ~ Voice of the Ocean, Pragya.

A line written by me in the distant past came back to my mind. Unlike my other books, this wasn't a bestseller, yet there was a lot of truth hidden in my protagonist Amanda's heart, the kind of truth that reeks prowess of a woman's heart, her mighty soul that bends before no-one, that knows how to fight back and win happiness despite all odds - maybe that's why it wasn't a bestseller, seeing a woman in power, with the upper hand in the relationship, isn't usual, men don't like it, women don't relate to it, maybe that's why my first novel sank.

I remembered those lines, how ruefully true it was going to be in my life from then on. I was holding my two days old Aadi and breastfeeding him in the nursing home. Suresh had visited us and gone. He needed to rush home, after all Bulbul was alone at home, someone needed to check on her. Bulbul had come over to stay with us during my last month, to take care of me. Mumma was apparently unwell and wasn't fit to travel, so Bulbul had come instead.

I sighed seeing my baby suckling me for nourishment, what was the point of this life, I wondered. My life was following a track of its own will, with a pace of its own convenience, I felt like I was just floating along with what was preordained - only I didn't like it much. Suresh's stares were haunting me for long, I saw his will to be a loyal husband crumpling every day, and there was nothing I could do about it. But holding Aadi that day and seeing him dependent on me, something in me changed, I guess what changed, was my priority - Suresh didn't matter, his faltering feelings didn't matter, my wounded heart, "her" deceptive eyes, nothing mattered - what mattered was Aadi, what he needed and how I could get him those - to begin with, he needed family, and I was going to ensure that he had one - whether Suresh and I wanted it anymore or not. Hence I kept quiet, and pretended that Suresh never had an affair outside marriage at all.

Over the years, things changed. Suresh mended his ways - he must have secretly congratulated himself for carrying on an entire affair without me having a hint - wishful thinking of his. But eventually Aadi brought him back to family, and I could see his guilt making him put in effort to bond with us better. But now, over the years, I had gone so far into making compromises, that there was no return from there. For me, Suresh was Aadi's need, not mine.

The years had taught me a lot, I have been there, I have been in love, I have given Suresh my heart and much more than that too, I gave up myself for him, and he grabbed everything I offered, and one fine day, I realized I was wasted - it's been ten years since Aadi's birth, and I still see him, trying to collect the pieces that were silently broken between us - but you can only rejoin broken pieces, not shards.

Today as I saw Abhi's car disappear around the corner of the road, a fleeting thought came to me, as I shut the door of my mansion and turned back inside and looked carefully - my well maintained posh living room with completely handcrafted Italian decor, the massive crystal chandelier, the polished wood flooring, the elaborate electric fire place before which my Aadi stubbornly sits waiting every Christmas for Santa to arrive, until he falls asleep and Suresh lovingly puts him back to bed. I smiled and walked further down the room and reached the corridor connecting the living room to the kitchen and the dining area, the walls here had a lot of photo frames, Suresh and I handpicked these photos for framing - lots of smiling faces greeted me. There I was with Aadi, both trying to lick from the black current ice-cream I was holding, he had some on his nose too, from another frame Suresh and Aadi waved at me, while riding a giant Ferris wheel. From another one, Mumma and Bulbul smiled at me hugging each other, from another one, my Papa and my 'real' Ma smiled at me, from another frame Suresh and Bulbul laughed at me holding a bottle of wine, then there was another one with Bulbul making faces at me. From the corner, from a frame, Ritika, Suresh's sister, smiled at me shyly from behind her mother, my deceased mother-in-law. There was also a photo of me, Alia, Purab, Suresh and Abhi from Alia's wedding - I stared at Abhi. Yes, I was right when I told him off, I thought to myself - this indeed was stability - this mansion, these relations, these memories, they all mattered and they all made my life - I couldn't give up on them for these ten days I spent with him - I justified myself. Maybe it was time to remove that frame holding Abhi's photo from the wall, I couldn't look at that picture with a clear conscience anymore - especially into Alia's eyes; they mocked me.