Everyone's Hero (My Hero Academia smut-shots)

I'm sorry.

This is out of nowhere, I know that.

I realized that literally every relationship I've written in this book is toxic, to some degree. Be that the borderline abusive Yandere!Izuku to the Werewolf!Katsuki & Eijirou.

I've realized that I don't know how to write healthy relationships because I've been in very few healthy relationships.

After I ended my first relationship, my ex was constantly trying to start arguments with me.

I was the toxic one in my second relationship, as he was always there for me but I was never there for him.

I jumped into my third relationship with someone who I barely talked to and who was older than me, because I was grieving about the end of my second relationship and I was looking for someone, anyone, to make me feel validated.

I got back with my second ex for about a month after breaking up with my third ex after I sobbed in his arms about how I couldn't live without him. He broke up with me again about a month after.

While I was dating my second ex for the second time, my fourth ex really came into my life. She came onto me in the back of the bus after a choir competition and we made out, while I was still dating him. He never knew about it, but I live with that guilt to this day. We got together really quickly after my second ex broke up with me, as I was emotionally broken and suffering and didn't know any better, and I just... couldn't say no. I was with my fourth ex during my stay in the mental hospital, but I broke things off with her after I got out, because I wasn't emotionally ready for another relationship.

I went back to school after my stay in the mental hospital, and one of my most trusted best friends had gotten together with my second ex, who she knew I still had feelings for at the time. They're still together to this day and I'm still unnecessarily upset about all of it. I hate to admit that he still has a place in my heart. When he left, he took a piece of me with him, and when he got with my best friend, it felt like they smashed that part of me with no remorse. I think about him a lot. A lot more than I wish to admit. I'm silent about it, because I want them to be happy, and they're happy together. That's what matters to me.

My current relationship is the one that's also lasted the longest, and I've been happy with him. Despite that, I still can't seem to write out a healthy relationship. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Until I sort my own things out, I'm going to put this book on hiatus. I don't like the idea of doing so, but I've also just... lost my desire to write, just in general.

For now, this is goodbye. I don't know when I'll come back.