If You Are Reading, I Am Dead

Chapter Four

🌿Charlie🌿

My life has been hell since then.

It will get worse though.

I had been sitting in the toilet as usual, crying, then thinking.

About Sharell.

I remember trying to figure out what the hell she was doing, when eventually, the woman herself entered with my gang of girls.

Her gang of girls.

Sharell had pretended she didn't know I was in there, and the others probably didn't know anyway. But Sharell knows all. She'd been watching me carefully, looking for scars on my wrist or something. But all that time I never once had a suicidal thought. I felt sad and depressed, but not suicidal.

I would not give her that pleasure.

I remember the soft sound of their footsteps as they stood in front of the mirror and re-applied their lip gloss. They had been hanging out with the boys more now, and I couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed.

I listened to their mindless chatter for a while, when Sharell said something that made me listen.

"Can you believe Charlie said yes!?" She squealed.

"I know! But he totally deserves you. He was waaaaay too good for Ivy. You two are so cute together! When you kissed at recess before was probably one of the sweetest things I've ever seen!" Chirped Freya. Freya is the most beautiful person you will ever see. She's even more beautiful than Sharell, or was.

Sharell got to her too.

She drove her to insanity and made her feel insecure and ugly. Freya runs the streets now wildly, greasy hair whipping around her once-beautiful face, now filthy and scarred from her long sharp nails. She's that mad girl, who people throw scraps of food to and give blankets when it's cold.

Sharell smirks whenever she sees her.

Anyway, Freya was also kind of stupid, but no one notices that when you're as pretty as her.

But at her words, my heart broke in two.

I cried but muffled the sound by shoving my fist in my mouth. The girls giggled before Ruby (another one of the 'gang') burst in.

"Shar-Shar! Charlie wants you!" She said breathlessly. She sounded like she had been running.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Laughed 'Shar-Shar', and her now mindless zombie minions laughed along with her.

"No really. He wants to speak to you."

They all left then, and I didn't dare follow them. As far as I knew at the time, they continued dating.

But I found out the truth.

Apparently, Charlie wanted to dump her, for 'reasons unknown'. Sharell got mad and started blackmailing him, saying she'd ruin his life unless he continued to date her.

One time, I remember Charlie came up to me. It was in the one class we had together without Sharell.

"Ivy?" He spoke softly and his eyes darted around wildly.

"Yeah? What?" I spoke coldly. I had told myself I'd never forgive him. But now I wish I did.

"I'm... Sorry."

"Yeah, sure." I snorted. I ignored him after that, even though it broke my heart.

I wish I had talked to him, asked him what was going on. I could still be... Me.

But I didn't.

Instead, I continued to turn away when he wanted to talk. I could've saved him, I suppose, if I had listened, but back then, I didn't know Sharell would kill. I thought she was just crazy with wanting to be popular.

I didn't know she did it for fun.

Eventually, I went up to Charlie to 'officially' break up. He pretended not to care, even laughing in front of Sharell, but he was a bad actor. We all knew he didn't want to lose me, but he wanted Sharell too. He was a boy. You couldn't blame him.

I loved him so much, so so much, and I still do.

I'm twenty-two now, and Charlie was killed two years ago.

Sharell hadn't dumped him. She cheated, with several others, sometimes three at once, really obviously. It drove Charlie mad, and it really hurt him. Eventually he had actually fallen in complete love, and had almost forgotten me. He was on the very brink of insanity.

He lost it one night. I'm not sure what Sharell did, but Charlie ran screaming on to the streets with a knife, shouting "Why Shar? WHY?"

I watched as he plunged the knife into his heart.

I ran outside too then, and cradled Charlie in my arms, with his blood mingling with my tears. It was the worst thing I have ever felt. Like a huge part of me had been pulled out and now there was just an empty space.

And I had no idea what to put there in his place.

Sharell came out, and faked crying for any onlookers.

"Oh Charlie, baby, I'm so sorry."

But no one can fake lost love.

Of course, others would've believed it, but not me. She winked at me one last time, and mouthed words at me again.

"That's what you get hon. Should've liked me from the start."

***

After that, she stopped doing the whole winking and mouthing thing. I think she realised it was kind of stupid since I could tell someone at anytime, and I was a lot stronger that she thought. But everyday she gets closer and closer to breaking me.