If You Are Reading, I Am Dead

Chapter One

🌿In the Beginning🌿

I used to be so happy.

I realise now, all the things I took for granted, the little things. The routine hug me and my girlfriends had, the quick pecks on the cheek Charlie gave me, the unconditional love from my parents. All gone now, thanks to Sharell. Or, 'Shar-Shar'. Ew.

I'm gonna start off by saying: I was kind of a rebel. I never really liked Sharell that much, she was nice and all, (at least, I thought she was) but her over cheerful personality and bubbly smile just made me sick. I was the only one who wasn't completely adoring her. My friends felt so 'honoured' by her presence whenever she decided to hang out with us.

I just realised something: Sharell had no real friends. I mean, everyone liked her, but she didn't have a secure friendship group. She kind of... Floated around, hanging out with who she pleased. She may have had a 'favourite' group, I don't know, but she didn't have a permanent one. I guess she was afraid of getting too close to someone she might have to kill.

Huh. Funny how I don't even flinch anymore at the things she's done.

I know her better than anyone.

And I know it's going to kill me.

***

Let's start on how me and Charlie met. Oh Charlie. I still love you, so very much. That bitch Sharell tore us apart, and I couldn't do a thing. But I know you loved me, deep down. Somewhere.

It wasn't really the first time I'd met Charlie. Living in Radnok, you know everyone before they can talk. It's the first time I realised I loved Charlie.

I was fifteen. I was walking home from the small school, when Charlie caught up to me. I had been chatting with one of my friends, Roux (pronounced 'R-oo'), when he ran up to me.

"Ummm.... Ivy, isn't it?" He was biting his lip shyly, and blushing. Me and Roux shared THAT look. You know the one girls: where you'd been talking about how hot boys were, and suddenly here's one of the guys who was on your list? That look. He did look really cute, blushing, it was so attractive and...

I'm rambling. I do that a lot about Charlie, especially now he's gone.

"Yeah, that's me." I had replied. I was cool, right, I couldn't afford to blush or say 'umm'. It made you seem insecure. Act like you knew everything, done everything, like talking to this really hot guy was just normal. And he was so hot...

Oh gosh, rambling again? I may have to edit this book before Sharell kills me.

Anyway, he grinned at me, and his blushing receded slightly.

"I was umm... My friend said... Um... He said that I had to tell you... Your... Your..."

His blushing had suddenly increased dramatically. Sorry if I write in present tense quite often, it just sometimes feels like... It's... Happening right now. You know what I mean.

Anyway, I was expecting the whole 'thinks you're pretty' thing, but...

"Umm... Your top dress button is undone."

People around me laughed, and I blushed. I remember inwardly slapping myself for blushing. It showed I let it get to me. If I had just laughed, and walked away with a witty remark like: "Why,was he looking?", things might have been different.

But I wouldn't have had Charlie. And Charlie was everything to me. He still is.

Anyway, I'm rambling again so I'll get back to my story.

I had bit my lip and tried to make myself look cute. I was one of THOSE girls, you know, obsessed with looking pretty. I wasn't a total bimbo, but I knew what was cool and what wasn't. I knew enough to act shy and distressed in this situation. Had I not blushed, I would act completely differently. You have to go with it.

"Oh-my-gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise..."

I trailed off. I quickly buttoned up my dress. I remember the sound of the the fabric as the button slid in so clearly. Everything seems so clear in my head now. I can remember everything that has happened to me. My life is flashing before my eyes, even though Sharell isn't even killing me yet. All I have left to wonder is how will Shar-Shar kill me? Will she drive me to suicide? Make others brutally bash me up? Or will she kill me with her bare hands? The list is endless, and I'm sure Sharell will continue to think up new ways to make me suffer.

Anyway, back to earth, I had done up my dress. Charlie blushed too and murmured he was sorry, it wasn't my fault, the usual crap that spills from boys mouths. But this time, I found it genuinely cute, rather than just pretending to. He casually put his arm around me, pretending to be 'oh so smooth'. Huh. Do boys even realise how easily girls see through their disguises, how we giggle about it later? Nope. But I would never be mean to Charlie, I knew that much even then.

"Look, Ivy, I'm really sorry. I'll buy you dinner one night to make up for it."

And there it was. No offence to Charlie or his friends, but it was quite obviously planned. The words were well practiced and too polished to be spontaneous. I could realise then that his blush was faked, the stuttering all too staged. I realised then by the way his friends nudged each other and grinned that they had planned to hook us up.

And I was over the moon.

I remember agreeing and resisting the urge to kiss him right there. I know I sound like a love-crazed bitch, but I was just ecstatic. I had never even realised I had such strong feelings for him.

Roux grabbed my hand, I remember, and gave me a knowing smile.

I also remember grinning and mouthing: 'planned, much?' And her nodding cheekily. Me and Roux had been such good friends. We were the same, alike in every way but we could still argue. But we would always stay friends, we had promised.

Some promise.

Now, Roux glares at me, talks about me behind me back and absolutely adores Sharell and follows her like a puppy dog. Apparently, Sharell told her the 'truth about me'.

But Sharell told her nothing but lies.