❤COUNTRYHUMANS X Male reader❤(Not Oneshots)

Chpt. 9: GO! (Y/N POV)

There might be something outside your window But you'll just never know

Sometimes, I would look out my bedroom window, so no one would see me holding my rifle. Caressing it, polishing it, shining it, cleaning the shaft. It was very very tempting, the bullets were near my shelf, I could've just ended it there, Kurt Cobain Style, but as tempting it was, I never did.

There might be something right past the turnpike gates, but you'll just never know.

Eventually I'd look out my doorstep, making sure no neighbour saw me. Since I was holding a rifle to my mouth. Of course I was still experimenting on what would happen if I shot myself that way

If my velocity starts to make you sweat
Then just don't let go

I was Re-living my childhood days, oh I was so innocent. Unmindful of the world, on how cruel, sad, cold , lonely, It was. It was a period where I was truly happy. My mother would bake me muffins, my father playing with me on the backyard. My pet dog D/N, chasing me around barking and yapping joyfully. Oh those were the days.

And if their heaven ain't got a vacancy
Then we just, then we just, then we just
Then we just get up and go!

I was lying there, on the darkest corner of my room. Caressing my rifle, kissing it, thinking about how it would free me, from my shackles. But I wonder, is their really a Afterlife?

Ladies and gentlemen
Truth is now acceptable
Fame is now injectable
Process the progress.

I rose from the corner. An wondered, if I really wanted to kill myself, what if I take a knife and cuts some few mounds flesh, of course no one would notice. No one will.

This core is critical
Faith is unavailable
Lives become incredible
Now, please understand that

Everyday, I would hold out a small amount of  hope, hope that will guide me, hope that will help me endure, hope that will grant me a fortunate life, hope that would banish the abyss that is depression. Hope, that will make me, Happy..

I can't slow down
I won't be waiting for you
I can't stop now because I'm dancing!

When i arrived to the bathroom, I brought the kitchen knife. And like a Lunatic, I cut myself, My legs, my arms, my forehead, sometimes even my scalp. I hated myself, I wanted to banish out this abomination. I Bled like a Waterfall, I smiled, Tis was a sight to see. I was aroused at the sight of blood. I wanted more....

This planet's ours to defend
Ain't got no time to pretend
Don't fuck around
This is our last chance.

Like a psychopath, like Ed Gein , Like Jeffrey Dahmer, Like ted Bundy. I cut myself at a fast pace, Carved small cuts, often easy to miss, And finally stopped after I realized that the cuts were Lacerating than the other, I enjoyed it, it was pleasant, Extraordinary, like how can a human withstand so much pain.

If my velocity starts to make you sweat
Then just don't let go

Then I was so full of bliss, Happiest I've ever been in years, so happy, I could shoot myself.

'Cause the emergency room got no vacancy
Then we just, then we just, then we just
Then we just get up and go!

Before i kill myself I would go out and enjoy my final moments of life. To show everyone, I was... HAPPY So Very Happy. I galloped down the street , everyone looked at me "Oh my god!" they said, "Is that man Okay!?" one Hollered, "Hey man do you need help?!" I ignored him. They saw everything, the blood dripping, the knife I used, and most importantly, THE SMILE ON MY FACE

It felt even better. I returned to my apartment no one seeing me, no one even recognized me. So very pleasant.

Of course, time for the grand finale. The show was over, I quickly grabbed my last bottle of Whiskey. Cheered for one last time. This was it, the end, the end of the torture, the end of my pain, the end of my despair, the end of my agony, the end to my Happiness......

But suddenly, something came up to my head when I was about to pull the trigger. I thought of what Germany said, The balance your drink stuff, the Night out together, it hit me, Harder than any Knife.

"does she.... care about me?"

||end||

I TOLD YOU GUYS ITS GONNA BE FUCKED UP.

i've been playing too much dark souls......