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I feel so fucked up right now... Literally! It's funny, but it's true. Let me tell you a little story about me, and how I ended up to feel the way I feel, in this moment.
My name is Luna. The age it's not important so I'm gonna tell you this. I've been through a lot of shit in my life. I never knew how to show my emotions, actually I never wanted to show 'em, because emotions make me weak. I hate to be weak in front of people. What I like is, to make them fear me. Funny isn't it ? I'm just a woman, but I feel like a super woman. I was born like this, and my shitty life boosted my....skills. That's enough about me.
I want to talk about the last three days of my life. The best three days, to be more specific. But first, I will quickly present what brought me here. His name is Julian. I fell in love, like never before with him. We spoke two months, using video calls. We never met in person. We live far away from each other and that's why, dating like normal people was impossible to us. But we made other things possible. Like falling asleep, and waking up in the morning, together. Even sex!!! Can you imagine that ?? And we both enjoyed it like it was real, but unfortunately was not enough. We fell in a deep hole of superlative love, maximum desire and also frustration, because we couldn't touch each other. "It's not fair!" These were his words. But he did something and he made everything to be right, for three days!
He came to me!
Let the fun begin!!!
J: - If I come to see you, I'll stay with you, or I have to look for a hotel?
L: - You'll stay with me, baby!
J: - Good, because I'm coming, my love!
He sent me a picture with train tickets, and I almost broke my fucking leg, sitting on a chair, when I saw that photo. Imediately I started shaking like a jelly, overthinking like a stupid bitch. "What if he doesn't like me? I'm not skinny. He's gorgeous, and I'm an ugly ass bitch. He'll be so disappointed. Oh my God. What will I do? I can't back up! I'm not coward!"
Well, I had these shitty feelings and thoughts, until he arrived. I was nervous, I cried, I couldn't sleep, I had plenty of panic attacks, I've been through hell!
The big day knocked at my door of fear. I woke up scared, because I thought I didn't hear the alarm, but it was one hour earlier. Yeah, I know... I'm such an idiot! I couldn't even drink my coffee or smoking an entire cigarette, like a normal person. Well, I'm not normal, but I like my morning coffee and chilling with a flavoured mint cigarette in my mouth. That morning was a different one. I was in a hurry without any reason! I was in a fight with myself. In my colored mind I was beating the shit out of me, and the strange part is, that I really enjoyed punching my face.
I had to go to pick him up from the train station. The way there for me was, short. The feelings I started to build up began to torture me. Thousands of emotions gripped me. My whole body trembled, in my stomach I had, not butterflies, but an entire insectarium. I was talking with him through messages, until the train arrived in the station. In that moment, I tried my best to stand up, because I felt my legs like two boiled carrots. So scared, and.... damn, I wanted to cry so bad.
