Curses and Dreams

With Courage and Honesty

You and Kurenai both passed the Chunin exam a few days ago, amongst some of your other friends like Asuma Sautobi (who was also Kurenai's boyfriend.) "Have fun tonight" Kurenai winked at you as she walked off with Asuma.

Kakashi came home from his mission yesterday, so you were planning on going over to his apartment tonight, as usual. But tonight would be anything but the usual, you hoped. You were going to admit your feelings to Kakashi and hopefully take your relationship a giant step further. You went home to have dinner with your parents and prepare for what was going to be an eventful night.

Kakashi was lost in thought as he tidied up his apartment that evening. He had sensed that something had been off about you recently, maybe that you were holding something back from him. He very much hoped you weren't thinking about breaking things off with him. He was a man with very little left in his life, mostly by circumstance and partially by choice, but you were the one thing he chose to hold on to. He'd been in love with you for so long, since the time he'd kissed you during a game all those years ago. He hadn't tried to kiss you since, not knowing if you reciprocated his feelings and worried that if he tried, he'd ruin the perfectly good thing you two had. The nights that you two spent together, a secret built out of necessity thanks to the dangers of being an ANBU, were the only truly happy moments he had these days. The sight of your (h/c) hair splayed across the pillow, the sound of your breath as you slept. Your (s/c) skin warm and soft and alive, he could spend a million more nights exactly like that and he'd be happy. As much as he wanted more, —to kiss you, to touch you, to be with you fully in every way possible — he'd never push you for it. You were the moon and he was the tide, and he'd go wherever you wanted. Even if that meant you'd just be friends for the rest of your lives.

You showed up at his apartment later, using the spare key he'd given you years ago to let yourself in. He was in his usual spot on the couch, reading. He loved to read, and most nights, you'd walk in to only see his silver crop of hair peeking out over a book. As soon as he saw you, he set his book down and smiled.

"Hi (y/n)"

"Hey Kakashi"

"I heard you passed the chunin exam! I knew you would. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to watch."

"I did! And it's okay. It was honestly easier than I expected, I guess because I've been training with you since I was practically in diapers," you laughed.

"That's my girl," Kakashi smiles.

His girl, the words made your heart flutter as you joined him on the couch. You sat on the opposite side but stretched your legs out so you could tangle them with his, something you'd done since you were kids.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" He asked. He took a moment to admire you, sitting across from him. You'd always been cute, but as time went on, you'd become easily one of the prettiest girls in the village. Your long (h/c) always up in a ponytail, your big (e/c) eyes with thick curtains of long eyelashes around them. You had full lips and perfect (s/c) skin, still mostly devoid of scars despite how much you enjoyed training and fighting. You were in your usual outfit of a short (f/c) dress with bike shorts and mesh leggings, which showed off your relatively new curves enough without being too much. He was still lost in thought about you when you answered his original question, bringing him back to reality.

"Actually, there's something I want to talk about."

"Oh? What's wrong, (y/n)?" His heart started racing. She was going to tell him she didn't want to hang out with him like this anymore, maybe there's a guy she likes, maybe —

"I like you. No, that's not quite it. Kakashi, I think I'm in love with you."

"Wait, what?" He looked shocked. You were immediately nervous that you were putting your foot in your mouth, but you couldn't stop now.

"I've felt this way for a long time now. I like spending time with with you like this, but I want more, Kakashi. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you. I want to be your girlfriend. And you know, we've been sleeping in each other's beds for years but we're both virgins and maybe if you feel the same about me then we could change that and I'm sorry if this is too forward but I needed to say something." You rambled off, hardly taking a breath, avoiding his visible eye that wasn't covered by his mask.

"Wait. You love me?" He asked.

"Yes."

"And you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"AND you want to have sex with me?"

"Yeah, if you want to."

"(Y/n)..."

"I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have—"

"I love you too."

"What?" You were honestly surprised, given his reaction to everything you said.

He continued, "I've been in love with you for years, maybe forever. Of course I have. And I just never pushed for anything physical because I never knew if it was what YOU wanted. I'd never do anything to upset you or jeopardize our friendship. You're really... all I have anymore. I didn't want to lose you."

He was blushing, you could see that his cheek above his mask and ears were bright red. He hadn't been this open about his emotions in a long time. You didn't know what to say, so you let your impulse guide you. You swiftly moved across the couch so you were face to face, and you pulled his mask down below his chin. He was so painfully handsome, and he looked more and more like his dad with each passing day. Maybe that's why he wore the mask.

You held his face in between your hands for a moment, and then you kissed him. Your first kiss without his mask. He seemed to freeze at first, then he grabbed you, one hand behind your head and one on your waist, to pull you closer to him. You were dizzy with excitement, having thought about this moment a thousand times before. Your body settled in to his, you in between his legs with him still laying on the couch. He kissed you hard but sweetly, a mix of desire and uncertainty. You tangled your hands into his silver hair, moving to straddle him. He moved his hands under your dress, resting on your hips. He broke the kiss and moved to your neck, kissing and gently biting while pulling you closer to him. You let out a small gasp, which made him stop.

"Is this okay? Do you want to keep going?" He asked, concerned.

"Yes, I want to."

"Okay. But I don't have a—"

"I brought one." You admitted, referring to the condom in your bag that Kurenai had slipped you during lunch that day.

"Oh." Kakashi blushed hard. "Let's go to my room then."

...

You were laying with him in his bed some time later, in the early morning. You knew you'd have to leave to get back home before the sun started rising, but you didn't want to. Kakashi was behind you, holding you close to him, his face in your neck. You were thinking back to the events of the evening, still unsure if you were dreaming or awake. It had been lovely, sweet and fumbling and funny in the way that can only happen when you lose your virginity to your best friend. It had only hurt a bit, and he was as gentle as he could be to try to limit that. Things were different now, you knew.

"This means you're my girlfriend now, right?" Kakashi asked sleepily. You hadn't known he was awake.

"If you want me to be." You answered truthfully. You had laid everything out on the table, it was his turn to decide what was next.

"Please." He responded, kissing your shoulder.

"Then I am." You said with a smile.

You really hoped you weren't dreaming.