I walked into a dark empty room that was suddenly filled with light and a room full of people screaming happy birthday at me. I cringed and feigned a smile but the truth is, I hate surprises. Especially on a day like today. It was the day of my 26th birthday. I didn't really care. But it seemed that everyone else did. Most of them I didn't even recognize but I smiled and walked around thanking people and laughing at all the right moments.
Things were finally looking up. It had been a long time since I had last seen Sarah. I had my new apartment, the old one just reminded me of her, and a new job that paid great and I loved. I guess you could say that things were finally coming together. I still was unsure of what I wanted out of life. And I sure wasn't looking for someone to replace Sarah. I was just searching for something to fill the void that she had left.
I walked around the corner into my bedroom and shut the door quickly. As I leaned against the hard wooden surface, I breathed a sigh of relief. I could only handle so much at once. And when it came to friends, one at a time was always best. How my three best friends had wrangled up so many people for my party was beyond me. It was hard not to get caught up in the party balloons and giant cake.
There was a soft knock on the door directly behind my head. It startled me a little. I turned to open the door only to face the smiling face that was my oldest best friend, Jane. Whenever I saw Jane I smiled. She looked like a total geek all the time. She wore hippie clothes and thick glasses. But her smile was warm and she had a sweet face. Jane looked at me as if waiting for me to say something. She seemed to cringe a little as if she was afraid I would hit her.
"Calm down Jane. I am not going to beat you up or anything." Jane let out a long breath and I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous thought. I plopped myself down on my king size bed and sprawled out on it. I stared up at my ceiling and tried to count the tiles. For no real reason at all. Jane followed suit.
"So. Were you surprised?" She turned her head to meet my gaze on the bed next to me. I chuckled.
"Of course I was. Why would you put me through this nonsense? And who the hell are all those people out there?" I raised my eyebrows in question. She grinned at me.
"Oh. You know everyone in there. Or, rather, you have, at some point in your life." She looked at me mischieviously. It was hard to be mad at someone who was obviously so delighted in her success of a party. I took a deep breath and returned my gaze to the ceiling.
"One of these days I will get you back for these little 'surprises' you know?" I commented with a furrowed brow. She laughed.
"Empty threats. You are completely full of them." Jane lifted herself into a sitting position and gazed down at me. "Tell me. Honestly. How are you holding up?" She asked me with a concerned look on her face. I paused a second to think it over.
"As well as could be expected I guess. I, well, I just miss her sometimes." I said and broke the eye contact that Jane seemed intent on holding. I always felt like she was trying to see inside of my soul. She was wasting her time of course. Everyone knew that Kara Carlyle had no soul. Sarah had taken that from me long ago. I looked through my dark lashes at Jane's worried face.
"I told you from the moment I met her that she was trouble." She scolded me as if I was a child. I quickly sat up.
"I really don't want to hear I told you so right now. Is that okay? Can you refrain from rubbing it in for just one day?" My hand went to my neck to rub out the sudden tension in it.
"Yeah. I think I can do that." She looked down at her feet and sighed. "I'm sorry. You know how much I hate what she did to you. If I ever saw her again I would give her a piece of my mind." I looked up to see a touch of anger light up in her eyes. I smiled.
"You won't see her again. I promise you that." I smiled and stood off of my bed, almost sad to leave it. "Maybe you and I should join my party. I have a ton of people I don't know waiting for me so they can have some damn cake." She smiled and then we shared a laugh.
"We don't have to. We can stay here. Have a little fun." She grinned at me. I laughed. Somewhere after Sarah had left, Jane and I had made a sort of pact. A sort of, to put it bluntly. Sex pact. She promised to have sex with me whenever I liked as long as I would do the same. I know what you are thinking, that's going to lead to something. But what Jane and I have is just what it sounds like. A convenience clause.
I placed my hand on her cheek and smiled. She allowed me to kiss her. She knew that I simply needed the feelings that came with it. I thrived from it. I closed my eyes and leaned forward until I felt the familiar pressure of her lips on mine. I got a small jolt of sexual excitement. And I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss to an almost unbearable level of heat. And when I took my lips off hers and placed my forehead against hers, I sighed. There has never been anything more satisfying than a kiss. Physically, emotionally. And for just one moment, I felt like it was going to be okay.
The moment passed quickly. Like it always did and I pulled away with a smile. I could tell on Jane's face that she knew we would not have sex. Sex wasn't what I needed that night. She smiled and so did I.
"Let's go." I said resigned to my death by ridiculous party. I grinned at her.
We walked back into the party and it was all a blur of faces and congrats and a bunch of drunken people. It lasted far too long and I don't even remember what happened most of the night. But I do remember one thing. A woman's face. I just got a glimpse really. A small taste of what she might look like before she disappeared into the crowd of people. I sighed as I sat down on my couch after we finished cleaning up. Maybe tomorrow would be different somehow. It took a few weeks before something big happened.
