street lights | vik

heavy rain

11.47pm
i stood on the curb, my eyes glued to the cracks in the road. maybe if i was small enough, i could slip through that crack and just disappear. maybe befriend an ant and train it to be my personal chauffeur. i chuckled at the thought. maybe life would be easier if we could just slip in and out through the little cracks we see everyday.
the heavy rain hit my back like dozens of rocks, as i noticed something else on the road. a torn sheet of paper. i intriguingly stepped out into the dark, street light-lit road and brought the note close to my face. 'why do we exist' it stated. i laughed and threw it back on the ground. what kind of stupid question is that? i looked up at the street lights, illuminating each drop of water that trickles from the sky. each raindrop must have a story. how it was formed, when it was formed, do they have races with each other as they descend to the earth? fascinating balls of acid.
as i strolled back to the house, the thought reentered my mind. why do we exist? what is life? are you even real? the more i tried to repress it, the thought came flooding back into my head, spiralling round and round and round...
"vik?" a voice called.
i quickly snapped back into reality, realising i was on the ground, by our front door, almost emerged into the shrubs.
"oh uh hey, simon. um what are you doing here?" i stuttered as i hurriedly got up from the wet ground.
"what am i doing here? i heard a thud and came running out to find you in the heavy rain on the ground. are you okay? what happened? are you hurt?" simon spoke, concern and worry rising in his voice.
"no no i'm fine honestly, i just tripped and fell, don't worry about it." i replied, finishing with a small laugh, to ease his apprehension.
truth is, i don't remember falling. i don't even remember reaching my home. from finding the note to now, i have no recollection of what happened. but i cant tell the boys that. they'll worry, and that's my biggest fear.
"are you sure you're okay vik? it looked like you had a pretty nasty fall i can get you ice if you- wait what is that in your pocket? is that a note?" simon noticed the crumbled paper hanging out of my pocket.
"oooooh looks like someone's got a love letter" ethan teased as my heart began to beat through my chest, and my legs went numb.
"oh uh no just something i found in the road- it doesn't matter at all haha, anyway i'm going shower i'll be down later" i quickly excused myself, as i sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom and locked the door. i already knew what was in my pocket.. but how? i threw it on the ground, it was so stupid anyway, why is it in my pocket? i was too tired to even think about anything so i showered, changed and headed downstairs where i hoped the subject had changed. but in the back of my mind was this voice. at any moment of silence it would speak up.. what is life? i'd never been the philosophical type, questioning my reality and existence. but for some reason, finding that note changed me. i sat on the sofa beside tobi, trying my best to remain inconspicuous to the rest of the boys. it seemed fine, until simon brought up our encounter earlier.
"it was so mad, i thought someone had beaten him up for a second-"
"yeah well anyone could beat vik up, have you seen his tiny arms" jj joked, earning a wave of laughter from the group.
"hey don't say that bet vik could knock you out cold with one punch." tobi spoke up
"yeah, all that pent-up anger from you bullying him all these years will come flooding out, isn't that right vik" harry joked, noticing his friend's unusual quiet nature.
"huh- oh yeah, haha totally." i spoke up, unconvincing.
"vik are you sure you're good? maybe that fall you had was more serious than you think, should we call someone?" simon asked
"no no i'm fine honestly, just a bit tired. actually i might head up to bed now, try get some sleep."
"wait but you haven't beat jj up yet" josh pouted
"maybe tomorrow. good night guys."
"good night sleep well" the boys called out, as vik walked up to him dark, cold room.

sigh. why did i have to pick up that stupid note.