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THE ONE THING Alek Bukowski had never done was apologize to me. In the entirety of our year long relationship, he'd never done anything that had required him to make any serious apologies.
Kissing another girl warranted just that. I just didn't know what to do with any of his apologies given that while he'd gone and let another girl kiss him, I'd gone and let another guy go down on me.
That very night, I'd turned my phone back on to multiple missed calls and text messages from Alek– a series of urgent apologies for getting drunk and saying stupid things to me.
I didn't need to read his messages to know that he hadn't meant it when he'd told me that he didn't care if I slept with another guy. But seeing the multiple texts that it had taken Alek to convey this to me made the guilt I was feeling sit harder on my chest. Guilt from the fact that I had cheated on him.
I wanted to believe I'd been pushed to edge because he'd cheated on me first. Even this was shitty– I'd clearly thought so when he suggested that we "get even" by sleeping with other people while being away from each other. But the more I slept on the events of that night and struggled to respond to Alek all of the next day, it became clear to me that I'd done what I'd done not because Alek hurt me and I wanted a distraction.
I'd done it because I'd wantedJordan. I still wanted him.
In coordination with the guilt, I spent most of Thursday thinking about Jordan looking me in the eye as I came into his mouth. Yeah, it's ironic considering thinking about being with him only made me feel more guilty.
We hadn't gotten a chance to talk either like I'd promised. He hadn't come back from his friend's apartment before I left for my class and I went to study with Jack afterwards because I had a test the next day.
It really was a horrible fucking time to have a test. Even Jack thought so since he'd become recently distracted . . .
When Jack's phone buzzed for the umpteenth time while we were studying, I looked up from where I was reviewing my chemistry notes and glanced at his phone with distaste. Jack didn't notice my reaction and went about picking his phone up with giddy and viewing the text he'd just received. I knew it was from Dakota as soon as a grin split his lips.
I gave him some time to respond to her before clearing my throat and perking up in my seat across from him at the coffee place we were camping out in for the evening. "Can you help me understand anti-bonding orbitals?" I genuinely needed his help since I'd been staring at my notes blankly for the past ten minutes.
