World So Cold (IvanXIlia)

Longing

Back at the cabin, we dropped our stuff down and sat for a rest. I eyed the others for a second and made my way into my room. I grabbed my diary and began to account the day, listening to Ivan and his parents talk in the next room. I couldn't hear much but the gentle murmur was quite soothing. Once I'd finished writing, I gently picked up the pressed sunflower and looked at it. I smiled lightly and slipped it back into my diary, putting the book under my pillow. I realised I couldn't hide from the family, and went out into the living room. I was going to use Ivan's plan of going for a walk.
"Oh, Ilia, would you like to play Charades with us?" Varona spoke. Ivan glanced at me as if to say 'I told you' and I shuffled awkwardly.
"Uhm... Actually, would you mind if I just went for a walk?" I asked quietly.
"That's fine Ilia. Fresh air is good too, so if you feel like a walk, don't feel like you have to ask us. Just let us know in some way. I know you might need time alone as well." She replied. I nodded.
"Thank you" I smiled and left the room. Of course time alone was only half true. I wanted to be away from Ivan's parents, yes, but I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be with Ivan, but not as we were right now. I wanted him to find me, and for us to snuggle and kiss under the stars, and then go back to the cabin and sleep together, fighting off the cold as a couple, hugging to keep warm. I breathed into the air and watched as my breath showed clearly against the moonlit sky. I trudged through the snow and decided to sit on the quiet cliff overlooking the sea. I let the wind lift my hair. This should have been a great opportunity for me, but I was depressed through the circumstance, and I knew that I had to be patient if I wanted a relationship with Ivan. Even if he did like me, I would have to wait for the relationship to grow, and I didn't feel like 2 weeks would be enough. I felt tears sting my eyes, this time with how much I truly wanted to be with Ivan, and not with the loss I'd suffered. Suddenly I heard footsteps break the clean snow behind me. I turned my head quickly, feeling a little paranoid and vulnerable. It was Ivan. Thankfully.
"Hey" he spoke quietly. His voice was soothing to me, despite the fact I was just mourning over his lack of love.
"Hey." I replied. "What are you doing out here?" I asked. He sat next to me, and appeared to blush a little, which he covered with his scarf.
"I just wanted to see if you were ok. You seemed distant." He had no idea. I sighed.
"My heart... Just aches. Not for Lilly, but for... Someone else... A love interest." Ivan frowned for a second, then smiled.
"Carry on."
"Well... I love him, and I think he likes me, but I don't know if he likes me in the same way or not. I really love him, but I'm scared. Scared of people mocking us, and scared he doesn't like me, and just scared I'll never find love... He feels so close yet so far..." I finished, hoping if covered up that it was him enough. He turned away for a second, then turned back.
"I think I know how you feel. There's a girl I love, and I honestly don't know if she likes me in the way that I like her. I'm scared she might like someone else, or not like me, or anything. I want to tell her I love her, but I'm scared in case she doesn't return it. I feel I should tell her soon though, and I think you should do the same for the boy you like." He stood up, brushing the snow off his coat. "Just know this Ilia. Any guy would be lucky to have you. And if he doesn't treat you right, let me know, because I'll kill him." Ivan grinned at me and I smiled back. "Don't stay out too late. I don't want you to catch a cold." He turned away and headed back to the cabin. I blushed, and looked back towards the moon. Tell him huh? I don't know if I felt ready.

I hung my coat and scarf up upon entering the cabin. Everything was quiet, and I was freezing. I didn't want to get into bed because I'd make Ivan cold. I sighed and sat in the living room on the sofa for a bit until I warmed up. But it was taking a while. I sat shivering, and desperately wanting company.
"Hey" I heard a soft voice and turned my head. Ivan was standing in the doorway. I nodded in response. "You cold?" He asked. I nodded, knowing he'd known why I hadn't come into the bedroom yet. "Come on. Don't worry about making me cold. I'm always cold on the inside." Ivan smiled and walked over to me. I suddenly felt like wanting him wasn't such a good idea, and remembered him talking about liking a girl. I knew I should hold my emotions back but couldn't help blushing as Ivan came to sit next to me. "Come here." He beckoned me into his arms. I blushed madly and desperately wanted to do as he said and yet wanted to stay away. But then it dawned on me. When he was talking about a girl, was he talking about me? I moved closer and settled myself against him, leaning my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I blushed harder. I could feel my heart pounding and thought it would jump out of my chest. "See? I don't mind the cold. Just relax. You'll warm up soon enough." He spoke. I wondered about speaking up, asking him if the girl he was talking about was me, then decided to keep it to myself. I felt myself getting gradually warmer, and sinking comfortably into Ivan. He started to sing something quietly. I couldn't recognise it, but he was singing it in Russian. All I knew is that it was relaxing me. It made me feel at home, like I could really trust him, more than anyone. I loved him. More than anything and anyone in the world.