Take It From Me

chapter three

I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. My body feels deflated, but I step into the shower. I have to see Ethan again, I've been dreaming about this for two years. But the fear overpowers the excitement.

I let the steaming hot water burn my skin in hopes to get rid of the past. I welcome the tears again as I think back to our last night together, how he held me tight and promised to love me forever, and I knew I was going to be gone the next morning. He went to bed thinking he'd wake up with his wife in his arms, but woke up to an empty bed, a missing child, and a note that just said don't look for me.

I don't want to imagine how he felt that morning, the thought of leaving him breaks me. I sink down to the bottom of the bathtub and I just sit there and cry.

Get up London, you're strong, you've got this. I force myself to get out of the bathtub.

I look at myself in the mirror again and smile, you're strong baby, you've got this. I continue to repeat that to myself until I feel strong enough to leave the bathroom.

As I walk out I let out a shriek.

"Why are you here? More importantly, how did you get in here?" I say gripping the towel closer to my body. He smirks as he looks me up and down.

"Joseph obviously," he smiles handing me a bag.

"What's this?" I ask looking at it cautiously.

"Your meds, you need to take them," he says and I nod.

"Thank you, they are quite a bit expensive, so I don't know when I'd be able to pay you back for these," I say opening the bag.

"Don't pay me back please," he says and smirks. "Now go change, or else I'll help have to go and help you."

I laugh and shake my head, and head into my room to change. I throw on some leggings and a hoodie and walk out grabbing some water to take the meds with.

I look into Joseph's room and see the 6'0 Ethan sitting on the floor of his 6-year-olds son's room playing trains. I can't resist smiling as I look at them interacting in a way that makes it seem as if they were never separated.

Don't forget why you left London. You have to protect them, you can't let it all happen again. Don't forget their promise of what would happen if you told Ethan anything, and what would happen if you went back to him. I won't have the strength to run again.

"You boys ready?" I say and they nod.

"Mommy, are you coming with us?" Joseph asks with pleading eyes.

"I don't think that would be the smartest idea," I say tucking my wet hair behind my ear.

"What's the worst thing that could happen?" Ethan asks looking up at me. Oh, I wish you knew.

"Please Mommy?" Joseph pleads, and I nod. I can't resist his puppy dog eyes and he smiles at me.

We leave my apartment and I can't help looking around cautiously. Sitting in Ethan's car gives me a sense of comfort I didn't realize I needed. I see him looking at me but I stare straight ahead. He drives us to a local park and Joseph gets excited. I can't help smiling.

I haven't been to a park in ages. Joseph runs towards the swings and Ethan is on his tail. I watch as Joseph swings on the swings, with the assistance of Ethan, and again cannot help smiling.

I receive a random call and I pick up walking farther away from the two boys.

"Hello London," the voice says which makes my blood run cold.

"Who is this?" I ask shakily.

"Oh you know who it is darling, I'd like to think that you've kept our little secret a secret?"

"Yes, nobody knows," I mutter.

"Are you keeping your end of the deal? You know the consequences if you don't," the voice becomes more hostile by the minute.

"Yes I know, and yes I'm staying away from him. He's come to see his son, and that's it-"

"You can't be near him, you hear me? I don't care what the circumstances are!"

"He'll take me to court if I don't let him see his child," I try to argue.

"I don't care, let him win, you're a shitty mother anyways!! Granted, I could rid of little Joseph-is it? And that would solve that issue," the voice says mockingly.

"Don't touch my son, I'm following your rules, I'm doing everything you asked. Keep him out of this," I plead.

"Then do what I said," the voice says and hangs up. I begin to shake, they found out. Fuck.

"London?" I hear behind me, and I spin and glare at him.

"You. You're the reason all my efforts are going to be thrown into the drain. You're the one to blame for everything, why couldn't you do the NORMAL thing and just fucking move on?! God you're a fucking child, not everything is about you and your desires. Stay. Away. From. Me." I scream at him jabbing him in the chest. I see people turn to look but I don't care. "Take me home, you can stay with Joseph longer if you like. But DO NOT include me, I don't ever want to be near you again."

I see his eyes go from hurt to stone cold in mere seconds. Why are you surprised? His walls are back up, and so are mine. It's going to stay that way. I'll do whatever I can to protect my son, even if it means jeopardizing my own happiness.

"Fine," he says picking up a very confused Joseph.

"Where are we going?" Joseph asks holding onto Ethan's shoulder.

"Mommy's going home," I say bluntly.

"Do I have to go home too?" Joseph pouts and I shake my head.

"No you can stay with daddy, but mommy can't," I smile slightly at him avoiding Ethan's gaze.