Warning: mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
"So why did you call us here? There is about 30 minutes before Class Starts?" Juan Questioned, looking at me quizzically.
"Well, I wanted to explain to you why Chris Means so much to me."
Cathy, Hannah, Juan and Savannah looked up at me. We were in the auditorium. They were in the front row, and I was on the stage.
Sitting down.
And trying not to shit myself.
Note: in this story Amiah's mom isn't as supportive as Amiah would like her to be. This is only semi accurate, because my mom is religious. But unlike this story, she still loves and accepts me. In this story, Amiah's Mom, Keishea, disowns her and kicks her out. That's why she lives with her dad.
So part of this is fictional, but the thoughts and the feelings are real
Also, here it goes....
WARNING
mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm
"Well it went like this" I began, reciting what happened
"YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DAUGHTER, AMIAH! DO YOU REALLY THINK I ACCEPT YOU?!?! AND THIS-THIS FAZE?!?!" My mom screamed at me.
"I would like you to!!!! And it's NOT a faze!!! I like boys AND girls!" I screamed back.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD YOU AS A DAUGHTER! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE MY DAUGHTER! YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING!" She snarled.
I started to cry, but held back my tears. I wasn't going to let her see me cry.
"WELL THEN MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE YOUR CHILD!" I screeched.
"You're not." My mother said simply.
"W-what?" I asked, barely Whispering.
"YOU ARE NO LONGER MY DAUGHTER." she growled.
"Y-you can't b-be serious, mom-" I started, but she cut me off.
"DON'T CALL ME MOM, YOU WORTHLESS CHILD!! GET OUT!!! YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES TO PACK!!" She screamed.
I ran upstairs and slammed the door.
I sunk down on my floor and cried.
Please remember that that part didn't actually happen to me. My mom was more accepting than I thought she would be lol
But this next part did.
I rolled up my sleeve and looked at my scares. I traced over them. They were still fairly new. (Jsyk I don't actually cut myself, but..I have self harmed. It....does involve something sharp. I'm not gonna say how, though.)
Worthless
Ugly
Fat
Not important
Useless
You don't deserve to be alive
Just die
No one will care
(Before u ask, yes I had those exact thoughts, and I have them about 98% of the time)
Those thoughts went round and round inside my head.
I slowly got up and went to my closet....
And grabbed a belt.
Hannah, Cathy Savannah and Juan had glassy eyes.
Savannah and Cathy walked on the stage, sat down and held me as I silently sobbed.
(Geez you wouldn't believe how hard I'm sobbing)
Then I remembered something.
"There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in."
Then I realized that there was nothing wrong with me.
It wasn't me at all.
It was the people around me.
Every one who ever doubted me or hated me. Everyone who said I couldn't be a writer, or that I wasn't valid.
(I still struggle with realizing that)
"But it wasn't me."
"I smiled a little."
"And silently thanked Chris Colfer."
"I grabbed all of my stuff and left my moms house. "
"So that's why he means so much to you....." Cathy Whispered.
I nodded, not able to speak anymore.
Suddenly, Juan and Hannah walked up on the stage and hugged me. Savannah and Cathy joined. I let them wrap their arms around me as I sobbed.
Little did I know, someone had heard that whole story.
Note
Oh my goodness that was the hardest thing I have ever written.
So to clear some things up,
No, my mom didn't disown me
Yes I actually thought those terrible thoughts (I still do)
Yes Chris Colfer kept me from hanging myself ( I was so close to doing it)
No I don't cut
Yes I self harm
no I haven't done it recently
Yes I came close a couple times
No I haven't had suicidal thoughts recently
Yes I think I'm ugly and everything else I mentioned
This is probably gonna make someone cry. I'm sorry in advance. ♥♥♥♥
And remember something please
I LOVE YOU ALL
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME/WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE CALLED
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU IDENTIFY AS OR WHAT YOUR SEXUALITY IS; I STILL LOVE YOU
YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING
THE WORLD WOULD BE A TERRIBLE PLACE WITHOUT EACH AND EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU
I love you all.
Bi my beautiful marvelous lovelies!
-Amiah
YOU ARE READING
What Writing could have been
General Fiction"Writing was my only escape from all the shit I had to endure from all the bitches I had to deal with, so it means the world to me." 15 Year old Amiah Carsitonia loves to write. it's been her dream to for years, so when she gets excepted into the mo...
