Erased (Dream x George Fanfiction)

Letter. (9)

(TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DRUGS, DEPRESSION, PANIC ATTACKS, VOMITING, AND SELF HARM. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. THIS STUFF IS NOT OKAY TO JOKE ABOUT, THIS IS ONLY FOR THE STORY TELLING PURPOSES.)

I trembled when reading through the paper. It was the one for Nick. I read it in my mind, remembering the moment I wrote it and what was going through my mind.

Nick, this must be hard. We were always great friends, we've always been close so I'm sorry for this. It's hard just to write this but I hope you can forgive me. I never wanted to turn to this but I've grown desperate and I've learned that nothing in life will work out for me, no matter how hard I try or focus on my goals it'll always fail. I want you to understand that you mean so much to me and helped me improve as a person, but this outcome could not have been avoided. It was destined to happen eventually I guess. I'm so glad I had you in life, take care of everything. You got this, see ya later Pandas. <3

My breathe shook as I set it down and opened the next one. Evan and Irene.

Hey guys. I want you to know you guys always brightened my days, even when everything was gloomy and sad you always made me feel a little bit more loved. You guys are the best family I could have asked for, Irene, you're so beautiful and you're going to get so far in life. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise okay. Evan, I love you so much. You're so funny and you work so hard, I know you're going to be an amazing person someday. I love you both so much, I couldn't have asked for better siblings then y'all. <3

I set the paper down, I can't bear to read another one. It was obvious what I was talking about in these letters. They were goodbye letters. Suicide letters. I felt tears form in my eyes as I remembered.

(Flashhhbackkk)

Shortly after I got off the phone with Nick, I went to my living room and watched T.V. The colorful screen flashed before my eyes but I was dazed out, not focusing on it. Instead I thought through everything. Why am I here? Nothing good has come from my life besides heart break and sorrow. I stared at the ceiling, used to the thoughts. Would it be better if I was just, gone? I might hurt a few people but overall everything would be better. I just bring pain to people and once I'm gone it'll be over. All my problems, people I care about problems. Maybe... the thoughts overlapped each other and it was basically ringing through my ear drums. Repeating the same big question. Should I end it all?

I walk into my room, close the door and sit on my bed. My room is dark, the only lights emitting from the close curtains. I sit on my desk and pull out my phone. George will never love me the same... I've messed up... I wish I could just restart it all, a fresh slate but maybe it'd just be easier to.... leave? I stare off into nothingness. An eternal sleep... what a pleasant thought... peaceful and not painful. People can sleep well knowing I didn't bleed out or suffocate to death. Whatever makes people more comfortable After hearing about my death. I can't leave without saying anything though...

I look over at some paper and pick up a blank one.

Who could I write to first? I pull out a pencil and think through my thoughts.

I'm definitely writing to George. Nick and mom deserve to understand. I can write and individual one for Addy since she's been such a big help through most of my life. Irene and Evan also deserve to understand and hear how much I care. I'll miss them, but I hope this'll clear everything out.

Addy, hey sis. Sorry about this whole situation... I never wanted it to come to this..

I wrote through each one, paragraph by paragraph.

Nick, this must be hard. We were always great friends...

After each one I put it in it's own envelope, with their name written on it.

Mom, hey I'm really sorry. I love you so much and I want to thank you for taking such great care of me...

I went through each letter.

Hey guys. I want you to know you always brightened by days....

Finally I had to write to the man who had me twisted inside.

George... can I be honest for a second?... I love you...

~~~~

I fucked it all up. I hurt George and now he's distant from me, I ruined our relationship. I'm so miserable. He forgave me but it doesn't feel right.... I glance up at the folder which I stuffed the letters, I had decided it wasn't time but right now it felt closer to time then it ever had. I grab the folder, hold it close to me and feel tears stroll down my cheeks as I turn the lid to the bottle.

I don't care anymore, I don't care for counting, I don't care for getting comfortable I just want it to end. I grab a handful, all that's left and swallow them, nearly choking. I chug some water and stare at my reflection.

I looked like shit. My hair was too messy to even be considered okay, I hadn't showered in days so I looked dirty, my eyes had bags under them, my skin looked like it lost it's color and I felt sick just thinking about how I would look when I was found dead. My head spun and I realized what I had just done. It dawned upon me. I was a dead man walking, once the pills kick in I'll be out. Luckily by that time I'll already be asleep.

I chuckle to myself and fall on my bed nearly immediately passing out from the throbbing headache and tears rolling down my face.

Something crazy happened... something horrible happened.

I woke up.

My head spun and I looked around, my room was dark but a single ray of sunlight hit my face through the closed curtains. I adjusted to the light and moved out of its way. I was in my room. The folder by my side, the fan off, the lights off. The only sound was the faint ticking of a clock down the hallway.

How am I alive...? I sat up and almost immediately regretted it. My head spun like hell, everything hurt. I felt like vomiting and dying on that spot but I adjusted to the pain and picked up my phone, laying back down to not suffer anymore.

7:29 pm.

What the shit? I slept and entire day? Those pills couldn't kill me but kept me asleep for that long? I realize that I'm a little late at calling George on out nightly talks. I text him, I regain composure, and sit up to go on discord on my laptop.

Once I sit up, the pain kicks in again. Agonizing and horrible. I sit in my gaming chair and open discord. How can I act normal like this? I'll leave the call early and tell him I don't feel good.. yeah...

My vision gets blurry and I feel my throat close, I'm going to vomit. I reach for the trash can beside my desk and release into it. I feel a sob emerge through me and I start loosing my vision.  I try to sit up right again but stumble out of my chair, falling to the ground I hear the familiar sound of a discord call, ringing through my room. The headphones unplugged as I plummeted to the floor. Everything slowed down. 'This is happening.... I don't wanna die just yet... let me see his face... just one more time...' I felt my back slam against the ground, but once my head hit the floor everything went black.

1337 words

OKAY SO I ACCIDENTALLY PUBLISHED WHEN I WANST FINISHED SO U GET AN EXTRA SHORT VERSION AAAA IM SO MAD AT MYSELF RN UGH OKAY ANYWAYS HERES THIS FOR THOSE OF YOU THATA DIDNT ALREADY SEE IT. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT READ THE UNFINISHED WEIRD PART IM SO SORRY I FIXEX AS MAND SPEELING MISTAKES AND ALL THAT STUFF HERE

😭 I'm gonna die I stfg