Restless

Pourquoi m'as tu fait ça?

Jimin caresses Namjoon quietly, his hand fluttering over his skin and through his hair soothingly. Namjoon can only close his eyes and feel the fabric of Jimin's glove sweep over him, lulling him to calmness.

There has never been a single moment where Jimin hasn't worn his gloves, too afraid of what will happen if he takes them off, too scared of what he will see. When connectors first present, their senses are heightened, almost to a boiling point. Connectors can learn to control their powers, the strength of them, the details of them. Although, the practice of doing so could take years, and it is never accurate, there's always slip ups, incompatibility with the technique, some people never learn to control it.

Namjoon lets Jimin care for him, even if it's just for a little while. Namjoon lets himself hear his own heart, quiet and sad, soundness even. He lets himself feel his chest rising and falling, as infrequent and strained as it is. Opening his eyes would be too painful, the swelling from crying all night taking its toll on him now.

He's growing restless by the minute, trapped in his head, trapped in the same scene, playing on a loop over and over again.

He can't believe he's getting so worked up over a dream. Seokjin isn't even real. He's somebody Namjoon dreamt up once, and can't seem to let go of. He's not real and yet Namjoon is devastated, to the point where his panic attacks sneak up on him whenever he's almost slipping into slumber again.

Seokjin isn't real.

He never was.

Namjoon is unable to decide which one is worse. The fact that Seokjin was never real to begin with, or the fact that Seokjin was with somebody else. Both hurt just as bad to think about.

"I have to leave soon," Jimin whispers, "Will you be okay."

Namjoon doesn't speak, he only gives a small nod. Jimin disbelievingly and reluctantly shifts away from Namjoon to leave for school. Namjoon feels terrible making Jimin stay up all night, this wasn't his burden to bear, yet Jimin took him with a smile and a hug, shaking his head as he laid with him.

Namjoon recalls that same night as he lies in bed now, many months later. He tries to recall the look on Seokjin's face, the way his voice washed over that girls, yet all he can see is how dark his eyes were, how little remorse they held, as if Namjoon were never to have existed to him at that moment.

Namjoon hasn't dreamt since, he used to flat out refuse to sleep, however, he has gradually adjusted. He has been so busy with finishing finals and assignments, starting up his own therapeutic practice. He has viewed so many clauses regarding zoning, liability, methods, marketing, and his credibility that he is completely and utterly drained.

Jimin has been helping him, reading in between the lines of contracts, helping him find an office, reaching out to advertise the upcoming opening for clientele.

"I hope you'll give me a job," Jimin said smiling up at Namjoon, "after all, I'm basically your business partner."

And Namjoon has laughed and signed on the dotted line, leasing him the current building to begin constructing everything he's worked for over the years.

Now he lays, awaiting the slumber wrapping around his limbs to suck him in. Jimin went off to Myung not too long ago, he's been happier lately. Namjoon is glad. His anxiousness lies in the fact that Jimin always wakes Namjoon up when he's having a nightmare, and now Namjoon is alone, vulnerable to what lies in his head.

Namjoon has always needed an escape from his head. Sometimes his connection becomes far too strong, especially when he lays in a state of vulnerability (sleeping has always been a struggle). Without even meaning to, he's been able to hear the thoughts that float around him, unaware that his connection is spreading through much more than just having to touch somebody.