Stairway to Heaven

5. Bitter Truths

He stormed out of the library, banging the door after himself. Heaving for breath, he marched towards the parking lot with quick and heavy steps. Adjusting the backpack slipping down his shoulders, he tried to even his ragged breath, but to no avail. He didn't know why and what transpired back there. But there was one thing he was sure of.

He had screwed up. Badly.

Mateen always found himself at the lacking end of forming any coherent emotion. He would always be at the short end of feeling anything besides apathy towards any situation prosed to him. Yet, right now he couldn't have felt more furious, even if he'd tried. There should be a damn logical explanation for him to have overreacted in that way. What the hell had gotten into him? He couldn't believe he had said all that, back then. Was he losing his mind? He couldn't help but think and if it weren't for his photographic memory, it would have been impossible to keep track of everything that had come out of his mouth in that moment of raw, bitter anger.

How could he lose control because of some irrelevant woman? He himself had thought of far worse things about her, than those girls. In a similar scenario, his normal reaction would've been of slight amusement, at most. But sitting there—listening to all those things being said about her; who was sitting right there, in front of him and making miserable attempts to hide her quivering lips or tears dripping down her face—It had stirred something unknown inside of him in such an unexplainable manner, that Mateen couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach.

He never cared to be saintly . He had not once in his entire life, gone out of his way to be good or help anyone. That was, if he could manage to feel anything other than ennui for them. His motives had always been undisguisedly, self-beneficiary. Even when he'd saved her that day from those seniors trying to rag her; it was all in his self-interest, just to win this bet.

Just today, he had easily lied about there not being any space in the library, only so he could make his next move. He didn't stop to think, whether she was going to buy his lie, or not, but regrettably for her, she'd fallen right into his trap.

It shouldn't have been a problem. If anything, his extreme reaction would've only given her another solid excuse to go after him.

The only problem was Mateen's own response. He couldn't make this disturbing itch go away. There was no way his plans could go awry. Yet, he couldn't come up with any logical explanation for his earlier behaviour. He wanted answers. But it was no use—Because no matter how much he tried to make heads or tails of this ridiculous scenario, all his mind could see was that frail and pitiful figure infront of his very eyes; shaking like a dry leaf while trying to hide her tears for him.

No—There had to be an acceptable explanation for his reaction. There just had to be one.

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"Dude! Where the hell were you yesterday! I kept calling you but your phone was switched off and you weren't there for rest of the lectures, either—" Ammar had shot rightaway, after seeing Mateen the next day. They were making way to their lecture hall, while Mateen tried suppressing a yawn with the back of his hand.

"Nowhere—Home. I was tired." Mateen had spent the last day thinking about it thoroughly and he had finally come to the conclusion; that his actions yesterday only portrayed the natural human instinct to feel pity for those getting mistreated. It was a lapse of judgment on his part, but he was definitely not repeating the mistake.

"Because of that library incident?" Ammar turned to watch him through raised brows and a queasy attempt at smile. Mateen gaped at him blankly in return, before turning away with a shrug. He wasn't surprised at all. News in their college spread like wildfire.