Nun-Nurse: A series of one shots

Trixie's advice

"I am a loser doctor! Can you not see! It is all my fault! I must have done something wrong! I am a fool! I am a stupid fool that has failed you, Nonnatus, the baby, the family and God! I have failed all too often, so please leave me be, I need some time to think!"

Sister Bernadette spat the words out, angrily but had a layer of sadness and hitched at the end, tears threatening to fall. She left the doctor in the clinical room- Why now of all times does his autoclave have to be playing up!- and practically ran to her cell. She slammed the door shut. This was not in her nature at all, she hardly ever got angry but her feelings from the past few months crept up on her. Now she was unsure if he would follow her. Does she want him to follow her?

Sister Bernadette practically fell onto the bed in sobs. Her feelings for the man she loved but was not allowed to love, her devotion was wavering, or was it? Was it just a new path being made for her? What had gone wrong with Lisa Drops baby boy? What had she done wrong? These thoughts flew around her mind until she had no energy left to continue crying. She took the handkerchief out of her pocket and using the mirror in her room, cleaned her eyes and sat- far more calmly- on the bed.

This was until a knock came at her door.

"Who is it?" her voice waved slightly

"It's me, Sister, I got you a cup of tea!" Trixie's cheery voice sailed into the room and Sister Bernadette opened the door and gave a small smile

"Thank you, really, thank you!" Sister Bernadette took the cup and sipped it, Soothing her ragged throat as Trixie sat next to her on the bed

"Not at all, what happened? I heard you say something to Dr Turner and I saw you run past and I think the whole of London heard your door shut, so what went wrong?" Trixie asked

Sister Bernadette took a deep breath and told Trixie the story, "You know Lisa Drop's baby boy I delivered yesterday?" Trixie nodded, "He died this morning before I got there on my morning rounds. I called Dr Turner but nothing could be done and when we got back to Nonnatus, I went to clean my equipment when I realised Dr Turner was behind me because his damn autoclave is playing up and he told me it was not my fault when it was and I got angry and here we are!" Trixie looked slightly taken aback, for only a second then began,

"Sister, there is no way this was your fault! You told us it was a normal delivery and you are probably the best midwife at Nonnatus house and I know you do nothing wrong so this is not your fault! Sister, everyone here has gone through a death of a baby, you were with me when the I delivered my first still-born, unexplained deaths are some of the hardest and you will get through this, you always have and always will!" Trixie firmly told the Sister who smiled back at her.

Sister Bernadette through one rule into the wind- this situation called for it- and hugged Trixie, tightly.

"Thank you, Trixie, you are a really good friend and, an outstanding midwife."

Trixie smiled and sat Sister Bernadette up. "Now Sister, do you feel up to having lunch or do you want me to bring you a plate?"

"I think I will come down." Sister Bernadette stopped Trixie just before she opened the door. "Also, please do not tell anyone about my use of language earlier."

"Of course not! Now we must get downstairs." and with that and a wink, the pair went downstairs. Nobody at lunch luckily asked about the Drop's baby and at the end of the meal when Sister Bernadette had a small laugh at a joke by Chummy, Trixie's reassuring wink caused the Sister to relax a little.

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Many years after this, Shelagh looked back and thought about how much Trixie had always been there and she is now standing beside her picking out a new outfit for Shelagh's post-baby body.

"Bet we never thought this was going to happen the day of the Drop's baby!" They both dissolved into giggles.