Autumn Henningsen lives and breathes music. Just like her father, and his father before him, she has dreams to be a star.
But those dreams won't happen if she stays in Gullwitch Cove, LA, a small town with a population of about 1000. Nothing ever h...
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Autumn
The day of a show brings on three things: cravings, anxiety, and more cravings.
I sit in the dirty bathroom serving as my dressing room, shipping my fourth chocolate shake. Butterflies swim in my stomach, the three chocolate shakes barely soothing them. It feels gross, but I sip on my third one in a nervous panic. The bathroom is small, smelling sharply of trash and cleaning supplies, which doesn't help my already nervous self.
Faye runs around the bathroom spraying a can of aerosol, making the bathroom smell more like a laundry room. "Almost done," she says, emptying the last of the bottle in the corner above the door, "This is a large bottle."
"Can you just get over here?" I snap at her, every muscle in my body tense. Goddamnit. I don't know why I'm this nervous. I've played so many shows throughout my life that the stage is practically a second home for me. Yet, my heart still races, and I can't control my shaking hands.
"Autumn. Hey, Autumn. You got this, okay? You've done this hundreds of times before." Faye walks over, taking my hands. She hugs me, and I finally start to cry on her shoulder.
I don't know why I'm crying. Of course, I don't seem to know a lot of things lately. Could it be that every little thing reminds me of them? An old sweater of my mother's in the back of a closet, the engraved guitar pick that Dad got me for my tenth birthday, a random family portrait found in a box in the attic could set me off within a second. Even tonight's show will have me wishing that my dad was in the audience, face alight and happy, or that my mom was also here, brown hair gleaming, swaying to the music.
They were horrible parents. But, god, I miss them more than anything.
"Do you need another shake?" Faye asks.
"I'll be fine."
I take a deep breath of Faye's lavender shampoo and exhale a shaky breath. My eyes are still watery, and it's a good thing that I haven't done my makeup yet because tears carve wet, sticky paths down my cheeks. She hugs me tighter and I cry one last time before pulling away, wiping at my eyes, and turning to look at myself in the mirror.
I'm a full on hot mess.
My eyes are red and bloodshot, green streaked with a deep red. My lips are cracked and dry, smeared with chocolate. My hair sticks up on one side and I try to pat it down, halfheartedly, missing and hitting myself in the face.
"Autumn, are you okay? Do you want me to tell Harley you can't go on?" Faye is talking right next to me but I don't hear her. I look back at the girl in the mirror. I don't recognize her. Her eyes turn cold and she nods at me, telling me it's okay. I can be strong. I can be brave.
I can go out there even when I don't want to.
"I'm fine," my voice comes out scratchy, and it's more of a whisper, but it comes out all the same, "Make me look presentable. I have a show to get to."
