it was my first day back at school since river broke up with me. i didn't think that i'd be able to come today but i made it, or else i never would've had the motivation to get back into socializing.
i'd ridden the bus to school, sitting alone, staring out of the foggy window. i stared down at my book hopelessly, i wasn't even reading.
once i reached the school building, i hopped off and slowly made my way to my first period class. i didn't need to go to my locker today, there would be too many people to talk to. the hallway was full of excited students, there was a dance tonight. it was supposed to be casual clothing attire, nothing fancy. i wasn't going.
my history class was nearly empty, i'd arrived at school 15 minutes early. i found my usual spot, right next to the wall heater and middle window. i wasn't sure how long i'd been staring into oblivion because by the time i became aware of my surroundings, students were filing in the classroom.
"hi," my friend miles looked down at me with apologetic eyes. he knew.
"hey." it was the first time i'd spoken all morning.
"how're you doing?"
i shrugged.
"i'm sorry." he offered. i knew he was trying his best to talk casually with me without bringing up the recent events.
"yeah. i'm sorry too."
it was free ice cream sundae day in the cafeteria. i sat alone at a circular table, allowing my eyes to bore into the same book from this morning. i was still on chapter 34.
"hey!" my friend alice appeared, holding two white cups. "i got you a sundae." she set it in front of me. inside was a half-melted scoop of strawberry ice cream with chocolate sauce and whipped cream on it. i'd only liked strawberry ice cream because it was river's favorite flavor in the first place. looking at the cup made me sad.
"i'm not hungry, sorry." i shook my head slowly.
and there he was. river walked past our table, wearing an old worn blue flannel and khakis. his short cut blonde hair was gelled back slightly and he held a brown paper bag full of his lunch, most likely filled with a pb and j sandwhich, chips, and a cosmic brownie bar. i would know, we sat together everyday and split the cosmic brownie into two equal parts to make it fair. that was until he decided he didn't want me anymore, that he wanted to end things. it left me here, emotionless, unmotivated, and most of all, lonely. i wanted to feel mad when i saw him, i wanted to stand up and slap him across the face, show him how i felt. but all i felt was sadness and i think he could tell by the look in my eyes.
"keep moving." alice muttered under her breath, acknowledging him. river stood still for a moment, a look of pain in his eyes too. we just looked at each other. i mean, that was all i could do now.
"hey guys." miles arrived at our table clutching a school lunch tray full of food. i focused on him sitting down next to alice and by the time i looked back to river, he was gone.
miles said something again, "are you going to the dance? either of you?" alice looked at me expectingly, from the nothingness that i conveyed in my eyes i knew she could tell that my answer was a flat out 'no'.
"sure, sounds fun." she shrugged, "you taking anyone, miles?"
he ran a hand through his curly brown hair, "no, but i'll go with you two if you're up for it." i knew he wanted to take alice, it was obvious. maybe he wasn't asking her just for my sake, so i didn't feel more unwanted than i already did.
"yeah, i think we'll go, should be enjoyable." i was aware that my two friends were trying to function normally so i didn't feel too down today, or left out. but this just made it worse, i don't think that they could have done anything in order to make me feel better about getting my heart broken.
