If Only

1. Why?

A/N: This is a trigger warning for those of you who are sensitive to the topics of bullying and suicide. What the character does in this story is never the option. If you are going through anything, please seek immediate help. If you need to get anything off your chests, my dms are always open for you. Please make sure you speak to someone about what you're going through. Thank you.

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Your POV:

As I stepped onto the rooftop of the school, breathing in the fresh air I had been longing for, I looked out at the view. Today truly was a beautiful day, which is why I chose today of all days to do it. From the rooftop of the school, the whole City of Hyogo could be seen. It was truly a breathtaking sight. It's a shame this is the last time I'll ever see this beautiful sight. Getting closer to the fence which surrounded the rooftop, flashbacks played in my head of the first time I met them. The first time they had caught me in the act.

*Flashback*

It was just another school day, as I walked to the rooftop. The day was cloudy and gloomy, much like my mood today. I stepped onto the edge of the rooftop, taking in the view of Hyogo. Although the day was gloomy, the City was still seen through it. I took one last deep breath preparing myself for what I was about to do next.

"Are you really gonna do that?" A voice asked from behind me. I froze in my tracks as I slowly turned to face whoever the owner of that voice was. As my head was completely facing them now, a student with a cigarette in their hand opposite of me. The cigarette was halfway done which meant that the person was there for a while. How did I not notice them?

"What's it to you?" I shot back looking them dead in the eyes. Blowing the smoke out of their mouth, they made their way towards where I was standing. They leaned on the fence as they looked out at the sky, still puffing their cigarette. "It's nothing to me." They replied, blowing out smoke.

"Then if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now." I said sarcastically as I faced the direction I was originally in. "Suit yourself."  They blew out smoke one more time as they stepped on the cigarette, turning it off. They turned walking away but stopped as my voice called "You aren't gonna stop me?" I questioned, still facing towards the direction I'm in.

"No." They replied taking a few steps forward towards the door of the rooftop. "Why?" I asked, now curious to their answers. "If it doesn't concern me, I don't care." They said, now walking back into the school building. I had no choice but to be dumbfounded. Why would they ask such a thing if it was their intention not to care?

I looked up at the sky and thought to myself, asking all these questions, as to who that person was and why didn't they do anything? As I took one final breath, I decided to finally put one foot in front of the other, preparing myself to jump off. My action was then interrupted by the 'end of lunch' bell. I thought for a moment before coming to the conclusion that it was best to just go on with my day and try again tomorrow.

~

As I entered the classroom making my way to my seat, a familiar face caught my attention. 'It's them.' I thought to myself. Ignoring them, I sat in the seat behind them which happens to be my seat. The teacher then entered, starting the lesson. The rest of the day was spent just looking out of the window trying not to fall asleep as the teacher read a book to the class.
Weighing heavy on my eyes, they started to slowly close as I continued looking out the window. I soon found myself drifting off to a deep sleep.

I slowly opened my eyes and soon came to the realisation of where I am. I shot my head up as I looked around to see an empty classroom. 'Of course nobody woke me up.' I thought. Sighing, I packed my bag as I looked at the desk in front of mine. 'Just who is that person?' I thought. It was really bugging me not knowing who they were or what their intentions were. They stated that they don't care yet proceeded to ask why I was gonna jump? Hmph. Why do I care anyways? It's not like I'm gonna see them again. As I stood up from my seat, something shiny caught my eye. I made my way towards the shiny item which was sitting on the floor next to the desk in front of mine. 'Keys?' I question. Hah, they must've dropped them earlier.

"If it doesn't concern me, I don't care." I repeated walking away from the keys. I stopped at the door, my conscience telling me to go back and return them to the owner. After a few moments of huffing and puffing deciding whether or not I should listen to my conscience, I made my way back to the keys and placed them in my pocket. Making my way down the stairs of the school building, I mentally cursed myself for going back for the keys. Not noticing in front of me, I bumped into something- or someone.

"Ouch." I said as I rubbed my now bruised head. I looked up to see who it was I bumped into and to my surprise it was the owner of the keys. "Good, you're here," I said as I reached into my pocket trying to find the keys. "Enjoy." I said as I pressed the keys to their chest, walking away until I was out of sight.

~

Opening the door to my very, very small apartment, I took my shoes off making my way to my futon. 'No wonder why I wanna die. Who wouldn't want to if they had to live in this shithole.' I thought as I looked at the moulded ceiling. Soon, sleep took over me as my tired body lay on the futon.

*Dream*

"Eww, she's so ugly!"

"Look she's wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She's dirty!"

"I feel sorry for whoever she lives with, she's nasty!"

"She's got bruises all over her, even her own family hate her!"

"Freak."

"Why don't we teach her a little lesson, eh?"

"Yeah, maybe then she'd learn to respect the people who show her mercy." They cackled.

*End of dream*

Gasping, I woke up to see I had just woken up from a nightmare. I looked down at my clothes noticing I was still in my uniform. 'Crap why didn't I change before I slept!'  My thoughts exclaimed. I looked out to see that there was still a bit of sunlight left. 'They may not be fully dry by tomorrow morning but it's worth a try.' I thought as I got up, undressing myself as I put my clothes in the washing machine then later jumping into the shower.

~

I groaned as I heard the sound of my annoying alarm clock. I lay there for a good 5 minutes until I heard my stomach grumble. 'That's right, I haven't eaten in 3 days because I'm too broke to buy anything. Ugh I hate this.'  Oh well, it's not like I need to eat anyway, I'm not gonna be here tomorrow so it's whatever.  Lazily dragging myself out of my futon, I made my way to the bathroom, washing my face as well as brushing my hair and teeth soon after.

I didn't get much sleep because of that stupid nightmare. Why did I have to have it again? It happened years ago so why is it still a living memory in my mind? Stupid school. Stupid people. They treated me like I was nothing all because I had nothing. Idiots. They couldn't just leave me alone? Fucking hell. I hate this world. I hate this society. I hate everyone.

I stopped as the face of that person crept their way into my mind. 'If you don't care so much then you should've just kept on walking.'

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Phew, that was a sad chapter. Then again, this is a sad story. All in all, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. See you in the next one!