Empty Cans

Cessair's

One sip and the world got brighter. Two sips and my feet felt lighter. Three sips and my smile was beaming. Four sips and I was soaring high in the sky. Five sips and it was gone. A small stretch and a smile. I tossed the large can out of my way. The clatter of the one hitting many others. Tapping my feet to unheard beat I quickly pulled the vibrant brush through my messy copper locks. I looked into the mirror one last time scrunching my nose at myself. Gently tapping on my dark freckles as if my honey skin was a set of drums. Dancing around to my own melodies. I was jamming! Trying to tighten a belt around my bony waist wobbling hop-scotch around the empty cans. "Cessair" called my angelic mother, but I was already out the door. No time to waste. Two blocks. I skipped into that bricked building with a silent hum. Smiling at the boy chugging his focus. Most people drank emotions to fit the occasion. Not me. Nothing, but joy. The acute chims of the bell rang through the hallways. Hundreds of faces emerged. A new mask to smile at each second. A left, right, third door left side. Two rows fourth column. My smile is as joyful as always sitting down. Fingertip to desk, fingertip to desk. Such a simple pattern. Laughs entering and leaving my ears. Wise words of the preceptor blurs with the tick-tock of the clocks. Doodles of suns, rainbows, and supported flowers fill the page. Euphoric tunes in soft hums. Joy was such a wonderful thing. Bell chimes as those to the wedding tune. The hall filled with mumbling whispers and booming groups. A right, left, second door, fifth stool. Small strokes of vibrant colors twirling a pure white page into a muddled mirror. Tick-tock goes the creative clock. A picture perfect portrait unsuited smile. 9, 10 goes the inventive block. Joy was such a wonderful thing. Soft shrilled jingles of that of a songbirds chirps. The hundreds of souls filling the chambers a smile given to each mask. Left, right, skip a hall, first door. Beam a smile and keep your head high Cessair. First row, second column. The sweet moderato taps of my foot combined to the melody of my heartbeat. Tick-tick goes the damaged clock. Lost in the wonders of the clouds in my head. Tick-tick. Joy was such a wonderful thing. Tick-tick. Suddenly I felt fidgety. The tempo of my foot's taps coming to Allegro. Up and down, up and down, up and down. Eyes wide. One sip low and the world revealed the dull. Two sips low and my body felt dense. Three sips low and my mask was shattering. Four sips low and I was falling to the low ground. Five sips low and I hit rock bottom. No one is watching Cessair. Door, door, door, door, door! Tick-tick, tick-tick, tick-tick. Left with only a creak. No one is watching. Empty halls with blank expressions. People are watching. No one noticed. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, turn. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, exit. Two blocks. Run, run, run, run, run! Knee high, long steps, keep your head low Cessair. An old wreck of an apartment lay ahead. Don't slam the door. Tippy toes keep the silence. Get to your room, get to your room, get to your room! Push your way in. Watch the empty cans of synthetic havens. "Joy! Joy! Joy!" I've gotta have a can just one can! Clattering and shrills of empty cans surround me. None. None in this entire dusky house. My fist slamming into the wall against my own will. Some people drank emotions to feel. Not me. I was different and all I wanted to do was drown it out. I barreled into the bathroom searching the cabinets. I've got to have some somewhere. Empty, empty, empty. A scream of fury echoed from my mouth as I ripped at the cabinets on the walls. The mirror. A forbidding beast stared into the mirror as I met her dull savage blue eyes, I found my own. A void of bliss. I toppled over. I could feel it blooter now. My breathing heavied. My very core shaking. My head hammering. This needed to stop. I needed joy. Only one way. Keep your feet light. This is wrong. This is wrong. It didn't matter. I had to have joy. I forced my shaking frail body into a black disheveled hoodie. Keep your guard up Cessair! Look down. "Cessair'' called the horse husk of my mothers soul. No eye contact. Head down. Creak open the door, keep quiet. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, only a block. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, turn. Walk quicker Cessair! Right foot left foot, right foot left foot, just a few steps more. No one is watching. I paced into the small store. I don't think anyone noticed me. I knew the cameras were not under watch. Left then right, left then right, third fridge middle aisle second shelf up. My eyes gleamed in the dim light of the fridge. No one is watching. I took my chance. I needed one. No one is watching. My shakes got worse as I slipped the can gently into my pocket. No one saw. It didn't matter. Walked out the store as a shadow. Leisurely I slithered into an alley. Taking the joy out of my pocket. Chugged it. One sip and the world got brighter. Two sips and my feet felt lighter. Three sips and my smile was beaming. Four sips and I was soaring high in the sky. Five sips and it was gone. Pitched the can and the resonating clink emerged as bells in my heart. Nothing, but synthetic Joy. Nothing, but empty cans.