The 0th Hour. {COMPLETED}

Chapter 4: Broken Emotions.

Staring at her own reflection in the mirror.

"I look...sad.. Pitiful...wounded.."

"And.....lonely..."

It hurts me. Like a needle going against my body.. Right at my heart.. As if it was aimed there.. Why.. Why do I feel lonely.. Why do I look lonely.. Why does that bother me.. Why is it so sad that I'm crying..!

Her heartbeat raised.. Her mourning got intense. She was truly showing her emotions....to herself..

Yes.. I'm lonely..aren't I? But I haven't acknowledged it.. Until today.. Everyone made these different faces... that is supposed to express their inner emotions. Your face reveals your feelings. That's why it was important to control so that you won't be deceived or hurt by anyone else. But, I mastered it. And my face showed no emotions..nor did I feel any. It took some time to control my facial muscles and make it look like an expression for each occasion. I never understood what it felt like.. But, now..I do.. Looking at myself right now.. I don't see a person without emotions.. I see a wounded person, who's crying her feelings out.. A very lonely person..

After losing the memories, never once in my life, came a person who would look after me and love me and teach me to 'love' and 'care' and teach me the feeling of wanting to 'protect' someone. Those are the feelings that make humans, 'humans'! I never had a social circle.. Never had friends.. Never felt love towards anyone.. Never felt close towards anyone.. I was alone.. And it hurts, that I wasn't the only one feeling that, others felt that about me too. My 'friends' didn't want to be my friends cause I was too fake.. And I didn't care for them. I was trying to live a new life.. Starting over again... I tried.. I tried to care for them.. I tried to like them.. I tried to be close to them.. Hoping I could change and live as a human.. But my fate was so unlucky..that I got abandoned before I even tried my best.. Slowly but surely I got isolated by everyone around me.. Including my parents.. It almost felt like I was living alone for the past four years. I wouldn't say my parents didn't come after me at all. When I lost my memories, they tried their best to retrieve it back. But when I turned fourteen, it seemed like they gave up on me. They moved me to a different city with high quality doctors. After that, I haven't seen them. They try their best to ignore me and keep themselves out of my sight.. Even though we live in the same apartment, living with them and without them feels the same. I thought family meant being together and not away. You could say that I started living on my own when I was just fourteen. So.. I was abandoned by my parents too..huh? Even when I was in my hometown, the place I lived when I had memories.. The people I might have known never came to find me again.. After losing my memories, everyone just..overlooked me.. Soon enough, it came to a point, that it feels like I'm transparent, invisible wherever I go.. No one seems to know my existence.. And no one wants my existence.. Abandoned by everyone.. And loved by none.. I wish that I could find my memories so that everyone would come back to me.. I am frustrated.. I am mad.. I am sad.. I feel broken.. I feel unnoticed..unwanted..and hated..

After losing all my memories, I helplessly wandered everywhere.. And at the end I had to deal with life head on all alone. Not even an inch of support was provided. To me, it sounds like I am hated by everyone..

I don't even know you but you hate me.. (meaning: even strangers didn't seem to notice her pain and hurted her) I loved you, and you hate me too.. (meaning: even her loved ones left her alone at her desperate time.) I love you, and you can't find me.. Do you hate me too? (referring to her best friend whom she feels a connection to.)

Hating me is merely like a trend now.. I am even hated by life..which gave me such a terrible fate.. I remained empty.. My heart was hollow.. Not being able to remember my past and find the sources of my emotions and not being able to move forward as a new start.. I am stuck.. A cruel fate of never ever being able to move forward.. An identitiless being.. Save me.. I want to disappear..disappear forever.. But I can't cause this ain't my life.. This life is special.. This life of a girl named Miki Hana must have had lots of memories.. So I must live.. Live for her and her loved one.. Her memories..no..my memories.. I will find them..