Lovebirds

eighteen

"You're a fool," said her best friend, Kimi Davis. 

Kimi was half African-American and half Native American. She inherited most of her mother's traits with her high cheekbones, radiant gold skin, and honey brown eyes. With cherry lips and a head full of bouncing brown curls, her best friend was a real catch, often taking the "hot friend" card in their dynamics. 

Naira never cared much though. She was more fascinated in her books or math equations than anything else.

When her father was a college student, his roommate Elijah and him formed a brotherhood that was stronger than blood. As they aged into their adult lives, Elijah and Nicholas continued to strengthen their friendship even when they diverged on different paths. 

Elijah was Kimi's father, an intelligent lawyer that knew how to crack a joke to break tense situations similar to her uncles. Given how close their parents were, it was only natural that Kimi and Naira would also be inseparable. 

Even their mothers were good friends.

"Shut up," scowled Naira, picking at her plate of noodles. They were at a restaurant for one of their monthly get-togethers. 

After university, they hardly saw much of each other, given Kimi's desire to follow in her father's footsteps. That was why Naira made it a mission to safeguard her friendships, texting Kimi often if she wasn't buried under paperwork. 

Unfortunately, these days it was hard to check her socials. Same went for Kimi. 

Her friend shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. "How the hell have you not responded to this guy's flirting?" she teased. 

Naira shrugged. "It's hard to distinguish between kindness and flirtation," she said, thinking for a moment. "Then again, it's hard to understand emotions in general."

Kimi blankly stared at her. 

"What?"

"Girl, an international popstar is flirting with you. He can't spell it out any clearer," explained Kimi as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. 

"I know that," sighed Naira. "But flirting doesn't equal love." 

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Kimi continued her rant of disbelief. "Do you have any idea how many women would kill to have the Rayan Idrissi fawn over them?"

"Too many."

"Exactly. And here you are, not even responding to him."

"Technically, I can't. You know Muslims don't date. We value marriage and what it means to keep a stable relationship with one's spouse. If I were to date someone, I would be going against Allah's word," she justified, knowing that Kimi already knew half of what she was saying. 

Although Kimi was not a Muslim, she understood and respected Naira's beliefs. Not once did Kimi ever pressure Naira to do something against her deen (religion). If anything, she fought against those who teased Naira for her hijab or disrespected her. 

"You could at least acknowledge his feelings, maybe let him down gently," her friend advised, digging into her food again.

Naira thought about it. She could tell Rayan off like she usually did, but it wouldn't work given how determined he was. There was also the issue of her own feelings.

Did she have a crush on him? Sure, her heart fluttered whenever he was near and her smiles came easily whenever he laughed around her, but that wouldn't be love. 

Perhaps she was thinking on a small scale with her emotions. 

Her eyes glanced over at her friend, who was too busy savoring their meal. Kimi knew more about romance than she did, knew how to lure a man with feminine charms, and above all understood the complexities of subtle rejection. 

What do I feel for Rayan?

"Explain the preconditions of love clearly and concisely, Kimi."

Her friend choked on her food. "Wait, you can't be serious."

Naira leaned forward, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "I am," she said in her business tone. "Maybe by understanding love in terms of science will help me."

Kimi was beyond shock, mouth falling open before she recomposed herself. "How do I say this gently?" she said to herself, meeting Naira's gaze. 

She repeated herself. "What are the preconditions?"

"You can't measure love through science, you goon!"

Naira scoffed. Only a crazy person would assume otherwise. "Everything is dependent on a proof similar to mathematics."

Kimi face palmed. "Love is not math."

"It could be."

"But it isn't-" Kimi abruptly stopped herself as she inhaled a deep breath for her own sanity. "Okay, since you're a lost bird here, I'm going to tell you the cold, brutal truth."

"Go on."

"Be honest," she said slowly, emphasizing each word. "Even if honesty has its consequences, you know how to overcome them. You know the limits to romance, and you also know your faith very well."

"But-"

"No, Naira. Tell him the truth."

But what if the truth of what I feel isn't enough for me? What if it takes me on a path away from Allah?

There was little fear in her life, but disobeying Allah, going against the commandments that Allah had written for the believers would only cause her pain. She knew she would drown in her guilt if she lost her path.

Her heart yearned for the love that Rayan spoke with only his eyes, yet a shadow framed that picture. Devilish whispers taunting her.

She couldn't accept her feelings, so how could she accept his?

It wasn't a sin to fall in love, but it was a sin to act upon desires. Naira wasn't sure if she could withstand the temptation if she took a step towards these unwanted emotions.

And that was what scared her.

----

Oof, girl that's a real scary thought. Poor Naira. She's stuck in a situation many young Muslims find themselves in.

I would just like to reiterate to those with a similar internal conflict, please try your best to resist. Allah tells us to stay away from relationships to help us, to save us from the torment that comes when things go wrong.

He knows what's best. It's hard, I know it is. But your intentions are what matters.

What do you think Naira's next step is?

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