More Than A Vow

chapter 16 On Tour

Mariah was checking when Tessa was leaving to go on tour. She was leaving today and she would be away for three months. She was starting in New York and traveling across the country finishing up in San Francisco at a huge music festival. She wanted to go and see her before she left but she knew that until she could get rid of this fear about being intimate with a woman there was no point. Tessa's right I'm not being fair to her. All I know is I'm not prepared to lose the love of my life, I have to fight to show her I can do this.

Tessa was sitting in her condo across town, packing for the tour. How amazing was it that she was going to perform in front of huge crowds? I could have only imagined this as a kid. Also, I only have one person to thank for this. "Mariah"  I hope she's ok? After what I said and the way she'd left maybe not. Her phone pinged she was hoping it was Mariah to wish her luck. But it was to tell her the cab was here to take her to the airport. She took a final look around the condo to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Locked the door and left. She landed in New York a bit sad that Mariah hadn't been at GC airport to wave her off. She hoped Mariah could forgive her one day and they could reconcile. But for now, she had a sound check to do before her first-ever concert. 

Mariah wanted desperately to go to the airport to say goodbye and see you when you get back. But she'd stayed away. Tessa didn't even send a text message to say sorry. So does that mean that's it? Have I been an idiot and lost my love? She decided she needed to call her mom and tell her what happened and talk it out. Also to see if she can help her in some way.

Tessa went back to her hotel room after the most amazing moment in her life So far anyway, she'd just sung in front of about 5000 people. Wow ! what a buzz that was she told herself. There was a knock on the door, she had the biggest smile on her face only for it to go sad again when she realized the bellboy had brought her a bottle of champagne from Power, to say well done on her first performance. She searched for a note thinking Mariah might have written one but no.

Back in GC Mariah had gone to Crimson after a busy day at work to see her mom. Hi said Sharon take a booth I'll bring the coffee over. Right, I'm free for a while so spill said, Sharon. She had noticed Mariah did not look happy when she walked in. So she knew something was up. I'm all ears Mariah Where do you want me to start? How about Tessa leaving and telling me that she think's I don't want her and for her own peace of mind she's called a stop on us. Mariah had tears rolling down her face. Sharon reached over and clasped her hands.

What do you mean she left? For good? Sharon asked astonished. No! No! Well, at least I think she's coming back said, Mariah. Where has she gone? Do you know? Oh yes! She started her tour today in fact in New York in front of 5000 people. Wow! That must have been amazing for her? Yes! I'm sure it was said, Mariah. I didn't even wish her well or send her congratulations after her first concert. Not even a text message. She's gone for the next three months! It's only day one and I wish I could be there to give her the biggest hug and tell her she did such a good job. I've heard great reports back already. I think she's going to be a big star by the time she gets back.

Does that worry you? said, Sharon. What? That she's going to be a celebrity. No! I have other thing's I have to get over if I want the love of my life back. Wow! love of your life? Sharon smiled So let's get to the bottom of all this. Why does Tessa think you don't want her? And why did she take drastic action and call a stop to the two of you? Well said Mariah It's all to do with me. I have a massive problem! Every time Tessa gets intimate with me or should I say she tries. I freeze and tense up. Every time I did it she thought I didn't want her. For instants the night before she left. I took an overnight bag to the condo with every intention of staying. But like Tessa say I have the intention but always back out. So she said she's always waiting for me to run back to the ranch every time.

I want you to help me get passed this problem that I have. I mean I never had this intimacy problem when I had boyfriends. You said Tessa is the love of your life? Is it because you feel like you've finally found the one? And it's scaring you that this is it and if you screw it up in bed you'll lose her? I mean I've never heard you talk about any of your other partners like you do Tessa. So I guessed she must be someone special. She is mom, and I so want to overcome this problem, because I want her in my life and maybe forever if I'm lucky. Mariah smiled.

Meanwhile, in New York, Tessa sat in her hotel room feeling lonely. She drowned her sorrow's in the champagne. She only had herself to blame for the situation she was in. I mean I told Mariah to go! She doesn't want me I even told her I didn't know if I wanted to see her when I get back FFS! Why did I do that? I always destroy everything good that happens in my life. Why do I do that? Am I incapable of letting myself be happy? Mariah is the love of my life. There I said it. I should be more patient with her and help her. I mean at the end of the day I'm just as scared as she is. But I didn't tell her that. I have another night to do here so I'd better stop drinking and get some sleep.

Sharon asked Mariah what she was so scared of? She told her that she'd never seen her so happy when she meet Tessa. I could see you had something special going on. I'm guessing you've kissed her properly and not just on the cheek? Oh, mom! Yes of course I have. It was amazing. I'd never felt like that kissing men. So how many times have you stopped yourself from making love to her? Maybe a couple of serious attempts, where we started kissing and I felt like I could go there and then I tensed up, and obviously, Tessa felt something and pulled away. She doesn't want to pressure me into something I don't want to do. 

Well good for her said Sharon At least she has your feeling's in mind. But have you ever thought she may be a bit scared too? What? No! She's so confident and brave said, Mariah. Yes, maybe but underneath all that have you ever talked to one another about the next step you want to take? Sharon was spot on! Err No! I just didn't think about bringing it up as a conversation. I mean we both know about the birds and the bees. They both laughed.

Mariah, you need to open up to Tessa and maybe Tessa need's to open up to you too. I mean you can't leave it as it is and go through life thinking what if. If Tessa is that important to you then for god sake go after her and be brave. Mariah said goodbye to her mom and headed for the ranch. I need to think about how I'm going to do this. She said to herself. She got ready for bed and then got her laptop to watch Tessa's first concert on a link one of the managers at Power had set up. Oh my god! Look at her go. She is amazing and looks at that crowd. She must have been on cloud nine when she wrapped the concert up with an encore. The song she picked to do was theirs's! Mariah's heart was melting. There and then she decided she would have to be there for her last concert in San Francisco. She would ask one of the managers at work to let her make the hotel booking etc that way she could control everything.