Accidental Love

May 11th, 2013

I've never felt in such a low place in all my life. All through my life so far I've never had that dream cookie-cutter lifestyle full of glamour or anything close to it. I grew up far from rich and just barely getting by.

        Now, at just twenty, I do believe I'm having a break down and not a good one. I feel like my life is crumbling to bits. Ok maybe I over exaggerated that, but honestly its how I feel. I had huge dreams, goals, and hopes to change my life for the better but once again what I want gets pushed aside for my family.

        Now I'm living in this awful small town called Lovingston in the middle of Nelson County Virginia. Translation: in the middle of hickville no where surrounded by three hundred sixty five acres of land that's absolutely foreign to me. I barely know a single soul here except for my sister Eliza's redneck boyfriend Brad. He looks like one of those creepy guys off that popular show Duck Dynasty or someone who belongs on the horror movies, Wrong Turn.

        I honestly miss the town of Brookneal, where I had moved from, which is in Campbell County, Virginia. I knew plenty of people there and had my good friends there. It was a small town but not like this. It was a lot more friendly if you got along or fit in well with the town folk. I loved that everyone seemed friendly for the most part and ran pretty well on small businesses alone. Also the churches seemed to always reach out to the community often as they could. I went to Childry Baptist Church in Nathalie myself.

        Now I'm isolated in mountains and hills all around and the only person I seem to talk to or that cares besides my family is Cody Smith. I would say we are acquaintances or somewhat friends. I wouldn't say he wasn't unattractive but not someone you noticed at by first glance with his light brown almost dirty blonde hair that seemed a little unkept at times which suited him. His eyes were a light green almost reminding me of a mix between grass or a sea green but very easy to look at and not feel intimidated by , maybe that's because you had to look through the rims of his Ralph Lauren designer glasses also. Also, he was pale, kind of like Edward Cullen from Twilight. I often wondered if he sparkled in direct sunlight also. Cody by my standards was your typical nerd, a rich boy, boy next door, goody Christian type of guy. He had an obsession with the Tutor Dynasty and an interest in the Columbine Shooting. If you gave him a certain subject and asked about it he could probably tell you anything you would want to know, he had a knack for knowing useless knowledge and seemed like the kind of guy who's paper you could cheat off in college on a final and at least get a B plus. The way he dressed came off as the whole good boy next door , in simple Levie's , a white shirt , and a loose plaid button down over it completed with tennis shoes. He always had a pep in his step and the friendly greeting down pat with a smile to make anyone think he was the ultimate golden boy. I knew he came from a well to do family and I always felt like he secretly frowned upon me or judged when he had the oppertunity. Although he was a Christian since birth, his parents brought him up in church and had him brain washed into their beliefs to frown upon anyone who was slight different from their views , funny how that is since being a Christian the Bible says its not our call to judge but God's when our lives have come to an end and we have served our time here on earth.

        In comparison, I Samantha Locke, was nothing of the sort like Cody Smith. For one, I have naturally dark bruenette hair, of course when it isn't dyed to the color of my choice. Sometimes my hair looks like a wild mess of loose curls and waves that most people find beautiful if I make the effort so most of the time I straighten it. My eyes are an extraordinarily odd hazel, sometimes they look brown, other days, a light amber or golden that looks beautiful in the right light. Other days, they are a deep green with golden flecks here and there. I'm thankful I'm not the shade of Casper pale but I'm not very tan either unless its summer time, then I get a fairly good tan. As for my size ,I am by far no means a skinny super model. Personally, I think I am fat and ugly, the ugly duckling that in this case doesn't become a graceful swan. I am aware my body has curves but I try my best to hide them by wearing hoodies and loose fitting jeans or yoga pants.

        It's rather interesting how Cody and I became to know of one another.  We met during the summer of 2009, the summer after my nineth grade year in high school. We met during a mission trip both our churches attended to in Norfolk Virginia in the Hampton Roads and Virginia Beach areas. Mainly members of the youth groups would go which consisted of high school students, our youth pastor and a few adult chaperones. I had noticed Cody before he even glanced in my direction. He was trying to innocently flirt with various girls with coy nerdy jokes and silly one liners that were sure to make a girl laugh and have a rather positive first impression. I also noticed he tried to hold the gentleman like manner of taking a swift bow before a lady in wait. How chivelerous is he? To me he came off as nice but just a little too friendly. We had spoken a few words to one another that week but my main focus was on the purpose for which I was there at South Norfolk Baptist Church that week, to teach inner city children about Jesus Christ and sharing the gospel with them. Everyday, starting on Monday, through Friday, each person who had joined up with us, Would take part in putting Vacation Bible school's together. We had six different locations  in wich we would teach at. Most of them were other churches but one or two were either community buildings or a vacant spot allowed by city ordinance. After lunch three of those places would hold a vacation bible school, where we taught since we were the ones who were providing it. Once they were over, usually about an hour and a half long, we would head back to the main church, have dinner,then after  go to the other sites in the evening to do vacation bible school there. After we finished up for the day, we would head back to our main house church as you could say and have a small worship service and discuss how many children accepted Jesus that day. Followed by that, we had free time for about an hour or so then bed time. Usually the next morning after breakfast we were allowed more free time in which sometimes some of us would go to the mall if thats where they would take us, or to a park, or to go look at one of the navel bases close by and get a tour of one of the US Navy Ships.

        Every Summer thats's what Cody and I did. As soon as I got home to Brookneal from the first trip that one summer, Cody had sent me a friend request on Facebook. He had wanted to keep in touch with most of the people he had talked to or worked with. It wasnt unusual for anyone who attended the mission trip to look each other up. In a way we were all somehow connected after that year. During my tenth grade year in high school, Cody and I had talked about dating but i declined because he had asked for an open relationship, basically stating that we could see other people as well as each other. I'm not the kind of girl who agrees to that sort of thing. I prefer being exclusive and monogonous. I have high standards and if a man can't agree or meet them then there is no need to persue anything any further. Somehow we had managed to keep in slight touch though over the years which is how he came to be the person I had reached out to when I hit my mentle break down this year

        It all started in January when we had moved from Brookneal and I felt like everything was piling up on me. Not to mention my past was finally beginning to haunt me which I had tried so hard to bury and move on from. Little did I know by letting him in would create a bond so rare and magical, nothing else could ever compair to it.