Eleanor heartland

2

The road connecting to the town through the hill above, where the richer houses stood, stretched out before Eleanor like a ribbon. She could see it winding its way all the way to the town, a distance she estimated would take at least forty minutes to an hour to walk. And then, she'd have to navigate through the town to reach her bus station, another hour lost to the journey.

Eleanor rummaged through her purse, her fingers counting out the meager sum of money she had left. She knew she couldn't afford to waste it on a taxi, but the metro was a possibility if she could make it there. She carefully placed the money in a small plastic bag, then tucked it into a hidden pocket in her bra. It was a precaution she took to safeguard her hard-earned cash, though this was earned in mere luck. The thought of someone trying to take it from her made her shake her head in disgust.

As she adjusted the bag in her bra, a small smile played on her lips. It was a stroke of luck that she had worn a bra with a pocket that day. Normally, she would have opted for a sports bra or gone without one altogether, but her desire to impress the older woman had led her to make an exception. It was a small consolation, but at least that misguided desire had led to her having a safe place to stash her money.

The thought of that woman, the one she had so desperately tried to impress, made Eleanor's stomach turn. She was a "nobody," a term Eleanor reserved for those who had proven themselves to be insignificant, unworthy of her time or emotions. And yet, she had still tried to please her, to make an impression, to be wanted.

Eleanor's eyes rolled in disgust as she thought about how far she had gone to try to make that woman happy. She had worn a regular bra, had dressed in clothes that made her feel uncomfortable, all in the hopes of getting a crumb of attention, a scrap of affection. It was pathetic, really. And for what? So that woman could reject her, humiliate her, and leave her feeling like dirt?

The memory of it all made Eleanor's face burn with shame and anger. She was better than that, she told herself. She deserved better than everything that happened, by someone who didn't even care about her.

To think all she had done was just to have her in her bed gave her nausea. It was sickening to even think she had lost hours of her life sitting and laughing with that woman. It was useless. Shaking her head she breathed out heavily already ejecting all that pertains to that past out of her mind.

She believed that if someone was meant to be deeply connected to her then things did not have to be tortuous. That is why she would never insist on pursuing a relationship that didn't feel right. Eleanor acknowledged that everyone had value, but she didn't want to pretend that someone was significant to her if they weren't good to jert.

Self-love was what she had learned growing, it was a compas when the world turned out to be a jungle. If anyone try to take her dignity away then they were not worthy of anything. Her eyes started blinking her heart pulsating weirdly, it really hurt for how much she had invest herself in the matter.

"And there I thought she was...puff," she whispered to herself, shaking her head. "I should make something with my mind. Too much thinking..." Refusing to dwell on regret, she shrugged and continued walking, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.

The intensity of the darkness surrounded her, Eleanor shivered, praying for divine protection. She was a believer, and her faith gave her strength. She believed in love, a common thread that ran through all religions. She trusted that God, who had made her and care for her all her life when things went darker than this situation, with his hand on her life and his angels that are powerful in force to keep her safe will always protect her.

Knowing that  believing does not means letting all in the divine hands. She took acrion using her part of wisdom. Attentive to her surrounding
Eleanor walked in the middle of the road, trying to be aware of everything going on around her.