The Diary of Larissa Tole

January 6, 2014

Dear Diary,

For the first time in a year, I felt genuinely happy. But that feeling didn't last much to my despair. Sitting in the cafeteria during lunch, my gaze flipped between the physics homework lying glaringly on the table, and gazing out the window onto the tennis courts. My mind began to drift, and I found myself starting to fall asleep. The obnoxious, screeching sound of the fire alarm pulled me out of my zone, and I threw my papers into my backpack before hurling it over my shoulder. The weighted pull settled low on my back, pushed my shoulders back, and caused a slight arch in my back. Following the hoards of people out of the cafeteria, I searched for my friend, but she was nowhere to be seen. My spirit fell further than it already was. As I stepped outside and headed towards an less crowded area, the hoard of people separated like the Red Sea. Before I could question what was happening, I heard my friends screaming surprise and happy birthday at me. A confused was painted over my face, before I realized what was happening. The thought finally dawning on me, I realized it was my 16th birthday. Normally birthdays weren't something that excited me, and were overlooked, and not acknowledged by my family so I simply just forgot I had one.

My friends enveloped me into a hug, and then passed me a slice of pizza. While I took a bite of the mushroom covered pizza, I was informed that the entire staff was in on this little surprise, and had deliberately held the fire drill.

"Happy Birthday Larissa, I love you!"

My friend whispered to me while she grabbed a cup of water. My heart swelled, and a genuine smile teased my lips. I was grateful for my friends, and loved them more than anything.

Would I let myself open up to happiness?
No, because that only led to hurt.

Normally I'd never think twice about the day I was born. I shouldn't have been born anyways, it would've saved everyone plenty of pain. Today was the first day I felt loved and acknowledged by those I loved. When I got home, the mood changed into the bitter, ice cold environment I was used to.

I crawled up the stairs, my sister and mother's eyes boring holes through me. They didn't even try to make their glares unnoticed. They just spewed their hatred at me.

And the worst part was,

I took it.

I took the pain, and didn't even lift a finger.

I'm going to sleep now. Maybe it can silence my mind for once.

So long,

Larissa