butterflies in your heart

•1•

8:47pm

Scrolling through my phone, as usual. Days were long, never ending. It was a nice summer night, you know the ones that aren't too hot, but not too cold. It was perfect. As i started to get lost in my thoughts, my phone went off. I snapped back to reality and read the text message.

~~

jax:)
wassup loser

me
hiiii

jax:)
party tonight at mine, u down?

I've never been a huge fan of parties to be honest. But Jax was my best friend and i can't say no to hanging out with them.

me
ofc bro
is anyone cool gonna be there?

jax:)
ig
doesn't matter i'm picking you up in 30

~~

The thoughts were fighting in my head. What if I met the love of my life there, what if i don't have fun, what if i die? The scenarios started piling up and my outfit was still not ready. I think it was the three knocks on my door the made me stop thinking. I knew for a fact that it was Jax as soon as i heard them enter. Their loud chains are a dead giveaway. The sound of the metal hitting again and again was getting closer to my room every second. Luckily, my parents weren't home today.

I let them pick my outfit, since, and i quote "you're a slow ass bitch Eden, and you can't make a damn choice. "

In the blink of an eye, we were already in my car, blasting music and singing at the top of our lungs. Main character moment. I was mentally preparing myself to what i was about to experience. Even if i won't admit it, i'm scared. Too much bad moments with these people, way too much. Jax's friends are nothing but unstable. They're fine at first, the more beers they chug, the worst they get.

We park in their drive way and get inside.

I look around the room, through the crowd, trying to find at least someone that still has all of their head.

Just when i was about to give up, I locked eyes with her. Staring at me with her bright blue eyes, it felt like she saw right through me, deep into my soul. Her black hair, falling effortlessly on her shoulders, her lips, looking so soft and addictive, everything about her was perfect. We must've stared at each other with stars in our eyes for what seemed like infinity, but in was really few seconds. The eye contact broke when her friend tapped on her shoulder, distracting her. My head was filled with thoughts, so many that i couldn't keep up. I knew i saw her at school but i never actually got a good look at her.

I headed to the kitchen to get myself a drink. I picked some canned coke, since it was the only un-alcoholic drink that i could find.

I went back to where everyone is, with this girl still in the back of my mind. I sat by Jax's side on the couch, trying to get my eyes to hopelessly analyse each and everyone's faces, wishing to see her again.

As the night went on, i found myself drowning in their second-hand smoke, still just drinking canned coke, looking for her angelic face. They're too intoxicated to be scared. Am i missing out on something? They seem so careless of their life, while i'm the only one who's not stoned. Nobody's ever sorry. Awfully bad at learning, make the same mistakes every time, always blame the circumstances. Is this what they call fun? Being to inebriated now to dance. Would i be better off without them, without the ones who need to smoke to feel something? Ashtrays on every table, so unstable. What is it about them? Living off of their cigarette breaks, loving self destruction. Starting every morning with their pretty heads hurting, once again learning nothing. Who would've thought.

The on going feeling of pressure, talking myself into not taking a hit, seeing some of them not even being able to stand up.

Inconfort